


Breaking Friendzone

by Moonlighting_xx



Category: BLACKPINK, BLINK - Fandom, GOT7, JINJI - Fandom, igot7, jinyoung - Fandom, jisoo - Fandom
Genre: F/F, Friendship, Heartbreak, JinJi, Love, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-17
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-10-11 15:03:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 36,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17449262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonlighting_xx/pseuds/Moonlighting_xx
Summary: "You broke our friendship Jisoo... You not me!""and you broke my heart... to pieces"





	1. Chapter 1

**Jisoo's pov :**   
**==========**

Saturday, it's the day I hate the most guess why .

Because it's the day of the week where I work extra hard, don't get me wrong I love working at haneul café, but working six days a week with a Saturday can tire a person, that's why I work quick so I can finish and go home.

"What can I get u sir?" I say to a customer.

"Vanilla latté and a donut make it quick"

He gives me what seems to be a glare, I hate rude customers. 

"Here you go sir, you can pay the bill over there" I say while handing him his order.

He takes It from my hands without saying a word

"A simple thank you wouldn't do you any harm, asshole" luckily he couldn't hear me cuz he was already gone.

After 2 hours of non-stop working my fellow waitress Mina looks at me with puppy eyes.

"Wanna go home already?" I say to her.

We are the same age but opposites polar. She's sweet and all but she's not serious about her job, totally my contrary .

"How did you know??" she replies like I'm sort of a mind reader.

"Isn't that obvious, it's Saturday and you keep staring into the clock, so yeah" I say while cleaning the counter.

"Well yeah, actually jisoo I need your help about that um.."

"Mina no!" I cut her off because I know what she wants

" I can't switch posts with you , I can't serve tables not after begging the boss for the past 3 months so he could move me to the counter"

"Please jisoo it's just for the rest of the day it's already 11.00am please my feet are gonna explode because of my high heels that I'm wearing for my date which I haven't told you about yet. So his name is..."

"Okay , okay, let's switch places let's just do that and it's the last time I swear"

While saying Mina hands me the little notebook , I take it and fix my white beanie over my had then walk towards the tables to take orders.

3 hours sent by already , I can't feel my feet anymore .

I served countless tables except one.

I roll my eyes and go straight to it.

"What can I get you? "

"Your ass on this chair. Sit down"

My best friend Yura points to the chair next to her .

"Seriously you have been working like a robot for 10 hours" she adds while I check my phone

"It has been 10 hours, I haven't even realized it " I drop on the chair feeling extra tired suddenly.

"No wonder you look this tired, rest a bit and eat something" Sunghoon my other friend and Yura's brother speaks .

" I'm fine "

"Well you don't look fine, I think at this rate you're going to faint and sorry to tell you this but we won't be carrying you to the hospital"

The third person , Jinyoung says,

"You're so funny ... But I'm really fine so stop looking at me that way like I'm dying or something"

"Hey there is something that I need to tell you before I forget, so there is this new club that everyone is talking about, we must go and this time Jisoo no excuses you're coming with us!!" yura says taking a sip of the juice she just ordered.

"I'm surprised we haven't gone there yet since we basically know every club in seoul" she continued "

"I can't argue with that, I promise i'll think about it "I reply,

"You better agree or I'm forcing you , you know I will do it " she points a finger at me .


	2. Chapter 2

**Jisoo's POV:**   
**=========**

I tilt my head back, laughing at sunghoon's impression of his girlfriend. Apparently the girl 'annoyes' him with her eating habits and he's breaking up with her just because. We all know, he simply got tired of her or maybe he has his eyes on someone else. That's sunghoon after all.

"That's not nice, you're such a jerk" I tell him while slightly laughing at my ridiculous friend.

"Please Jisoo, you never even met her, I'm telling you the girl is a nightmare, not to mention this one time when she-" just when he's about to tell us another story or rather continue his list of complaints. My eyes catch my boss's across the shop. And he doesn't look pleased. With his brown eyes and chocolate brown hair, my boss is definitely considered handsome. I gulp and curse under my breath. I check my watch and my heart stops. I left my job for one hour. One freaking hour. _Way to go_ _kim jisoo._

"Hey, where are you going? I'm not done yet, the best part is coming !"

"And my boss is shooting daggers into my head, good job at distracting me guys. I really appreciate it" they all snicker, I glare at them and turn around fast-walking away from them.

"I'll call you later. Bye bestie" Yura's voice echos through the big shop getting us some unwanted attention. I lift my hand and wave goodbye without turning around.

My steps slow down when I pass my boss. _Please don't stop me, please don't stop me._ And fortunately I make it to the counters without being scolded, I breath out and close my eyes, relieved.

"What was that Kim Jisoo? Your shift ends in an hour you could've waited until then to meet your friends"

_You spoke too soone._

I open my eyes again to look at my boss, his face says it all, to be honest there is no need for me to describe how pissed of he looks.

"I'm sorry, sir, I promise it won't happen again" I drop my head in shame and try my best to sound sincere.

 _I am_ .

But my boss is hard to convince. He can be a total pain in the ass sometimes.

 _It's your fault._ My subconscious has to remind me.

"Yeah you say the same thing every time " he deadpans while still giving me a hard stare.

_True._

That's why I try to ignore them whenever they come here.

"Please forgive me just this time. I promise it will be the last. Please boss" I plea him hoping his heart would go soft on me.

Thankfully He sights and leaves shaking his head.

I let out a breath I was holding and get to cleaning the counters immediately but my mind drifts to something else. Or rather someone else.

He looked so good today.

I haven't seen him this entire week, we haven't talked on the phone either nor texted like we used to.

Missing isn't even a word I could use to talk about how I was feeling up until I saw him today, and all I can think of now is his twirling eyes, the sound of his laugh, even his silly jokes and teasing.

"Kim Jisoo, are you deaf?" Mina waves her hand in front of my face makes me realize I zoned out while thinking about Park Jinyoung.

Again.

"What? Sorry, what did you say?"   
"I said, that guy has been staring at you way longer than normal " she mentions with her head toward someone.

"He's your friend right?" she curiously asks while she washes the white coffee cups.

"Yeah" I answer her locking eyes with a person which caused my heart to speed up.

"I'll be right back" I tell her walking towards Jinyoung, I frown my eyebrows and stand in front of him.

"What are you still doing here? Where are the others?"

"They left, and I'm waiting for your shift to end so I could take you home" he smiles that devilish smile of his that appears angelic to me.

"I still have an hour , Jinyoung , you don't have to take me home, I can walk there it's not even far "   
My voice comes out softer then intended, him wanting to take me home isn't unusual , he often offers me a ride anywhere I need to go but him waiting for me like this, does something to my heart and I don't know whether it's good or bad.

"It's not like I have anything else to do Jisoo, plus you have only 30 minutes to get out, I can wait that much, and trust me you don't want to walk home in this cold "

He pushes his suit jacket sleeve up to look at his expensive watch then looks back at me smiling. I smile back grateful for his act of care.

Quickly, I run back to my job and do some last clean ups and orders.

My eyes can't help but wonder across the shop to find Jinyoung's intimidating gaze.

Not too much just once every minute.

"Alright, I'm done let's go" I announce buttoning up my green coat and putting on my white scarf.

" Let's go "

I settle my bag on my shoulder and follow him outside.

The cold breeze hits my face as soon as we step outside , thankfully his black Audie is parked just across the street . Jinyoung unlockes his car and get's inside the driver seat.

I follow suit and get in the passenger seat before putting on the seat belt .

The smell of his car immediately hits my nose, a mix of cigarettes and Park Jinyoung. My favorite.

"Do you want me to turn on the heater? Are you cold" he asks when he turns on the car.

"No. I'm fine thank you"

"Are you sure?" he asks again looking at me and when I nod, he starts driving away.

"So? How are Mr and Mrs Park?" I start the conversation after a few silent moments.

"Good. They're out of the city for now, I think they will be back in two or three days"

I nod and look out the window.

"What about your mom?" he cautiously questions, stealing glances at me .

"She's living her life " I answer in a dry tone speaking about my mother who's not my favorite person to talk about.

"Is she till seeing that guy? What was his name again?" he takes a turn and my neighborhood comes into view.

_This was fast._

God, I hate how my house is so damn close. Only when Jinyoung offers to drive me.

"Wonho... Yeah, they are still seeing each other or whatever they are doing. Honestly I don't really care as long as they leave me the hell alone"

Just when I finish, he stops the car in front of my simple yet beautiful house.

I glance at it and as expected the lights are off which means the house is empty and I don't see my mom's car in the driveway.

Surprise. _Note the sarcasm._

"Thank you Jinyoung " I thank him while I unlock the seat belt.

"Listen Jisoo. You know if you need anything you can always tell me, my offer still stands. I can give you any post at the company, all you have to do is say yes " he turns his body completely to face me as he studies my face.

"Do you really think I would let you do something like that for me? We've known each other since high-school, you should know by now that I never ask or let anyone do me any favors" I avoid his gaze and look straight ahead to focus on the houses instead.

"We're not anyone, we're your friends and what if I give you a job at the company anyway? You wouldn't be any different from the other employees, I won't boost up your salary, I promise"

I giggle slightly because I know that's exactly what he would do.

"Yeah. But everyone would start talking about how I got the job just because I'm their CEO's friend. No thanks"

"It's my company. I can do whatever I want "

"It's your dad's"

"I'm the only heir. Which means it will be mine sooner or later "

I roll my eyes but my mouth curves into a smile. I look at him and find him mirroring my expression.

"Thanks Park Jinyoung but I'm fine working at the shop"

he shakes his head but nods eventually.

"Just keep my offer in mind. Think about it more" he says as I open the car door ready to get out.

"Goodnight. Drive safe" I wave and close the door.

I wait for him until he drives off after waving back and giving me a last toothless smile that has me missing him already.

"Damn him" I quickly run inside the house after typing the password, it's cold as usual .

If only she would call someone to fix the heater . Or maybe her boyfriend could make himself useful for once .

I take off my shoes then walk directly to my room and drop my things on the bed.

I need a hot shower.

==================

"She's not even pretty, I'm beyond annoyed"

I lay on my stomach on my bed listening to Yura bad-mouthing G Dragon's rumored new girlfriend on the phone.

"Pretty or not Yura, she's dating G dragon. It doesn't really matter. Plus we're not even sure they are actually a thing. But if they are I would be kind of upset" I tell her switching my position to lay on my back.

"Same. Black or red?" she suddenly asks.

"what?" I frown my eyebrows.

"Nail polish. What do you think I should choose ?"

" _Uh..._ I don't know. Red?" I randomly answer.

"Yeah I think so too. Hey let's not talk about Gd's love life, instead let's talk about yours."

I choke on my own saliva.

"I have one?" _play it cool._

"You can. But you chose not to" I can feel that she's scrawling, her voice gives it away.

"We promised not to talk about this again Yura. So drop it" I sigh heavely.

"And I kept my promise until now. But seriously I think you're both so obvious."

"About what?"

"Don't play stupid Kim Jisoo. The way you look at each other, the way you joke around with each other, he waited for you so he could drop you off tonight. I'm telling you it can't be more obvious than this."

"Maybe it is the case with me but I don't know about him. true that Jinyoung showed more than once that he cares about me but I wouldn't be so sure that he does because he sees me more than a friend "

I let out a sad breath and close my eyes thinking about his caring actions all through the years.

"He doesn't treat me like that. What does that mean? Huh? All I'm saying is you have nothing to lose, it could be the start of a beautiful relationship. Imagine you would be The Visual couple with your faces. Wow I'm getting excited by just thinking about it"  
She squeals making me tilt my head to the side avoiding the speaker.

"Sorry to kill your excitement Yura. Our friendship would be on the line. If I can't have him as a boyfriend, I don't want to lose him as a friend. " I tell her and she stays silent.

"Yura, let's talk tomorrow, I have to hung up or else I'm sleeping on you. " I tell her as soon as my eyes start closing.

She agrees then we hung up after we exchange goodnight.

Maybe she's right. Maybe I should make a move to change the status of my relationship with Jinyoung. But then again if he felt anything for me he would've done something. As for me I don't know how much I can hold before I explode.

My feelings for Jinyoung have been there for so long. And they are only getting deeper after every conversation we're having.


	3. Chapter 3

**Kim Jisoo** **:**  
==========

"At what time did you come home last night?"

"I don't know, I didn't check" she lifts her face from the newspaper and glances at me "Why ?"

I swallow the rice I was chewing before answering "Just asking. You worked late or something ?"

My mom places her cup down and frowns her eyebrows.

"Am I being interrogated? What's with all the questions ?"

"I'm just trying to make a conversation. I can't remember the last time we set at the same table" her face softens for a second before she goes back to eating her breakfast.

Why did I even bother trying to talk to her?

After an awkward silence she speaks up "So tomorrow is the 6th"

"And?"

" Which means the next six months house rent is due to tomorrow"

I give her a puzzled expression.

"It's you turn to pay it this time" I drop my spoon with my jaw following suit.

"What...? Since when do we take turns paying the rent??"

"Since now. Listen Jisoo you can't keep living here for free. You hardly spend a cent in this house" _is she for real?_

"What are you talking about?? Who do you think fills the damn fridge? Oh, I know. Maybe your boyfriend does? Since whenever he is here he empties everything in it" I pause and take a long breath because this woman wants to plan my funeral "I mean hell , sometimes I even pay the bills when you say you don't have any money left. Which by the way you spend it all on yourself and that idiot" I'm shouting by now, my blood is boiling and I'm about to rip either my or her hair.

"I pay the rent Jisoo. Look at this house. You should be grateful you live in a place like this" she stands up and I follow her.

"Mom, you pay the rent every six months , on the other hand I take care of everything else "

She scoffs and crosses her arms over her chest.

"You're my mother. We should be doing these things together. But instead you throw everything on me...I'm only 24 and I work at a coffee shop. How much do you think I make?"

"It wasn't my fault you didn't find a descent job Jisoo "

"It wasn't mine either" I tell her before I disappear into the hall .

"You should've accepted your friends help ! Instead of acting like a tough cookie !" She shouts behind me , I close the door to my room loudly blocking her voice because I might just jump on her and that won't be pretty.

Does she think I like working at a coffee shop while I should be occupying an important post at some big company? I have a damn marketing degree for goodness sake.

This wasn't how I pictured my future to be when I was in high school .

No one did .

I was always the smart girl who had a bright future ahead of her . The girl who made it to one of the best colleges in Seoul with her high grades .

And today , I'm serving coffee and tea in a shop where I bust my ass so I could make more money each day .

I open my closet and change from my pyjamas to some black jeans and a grey hoodie. I run to the bathroom and put my hair into a ponytail. _This isn't the time to tell the_ _sob story of your life you have to get your ass to work Kim Jisoo ._

I take my bag and put my phone and my keys inside.

Thankfully my mom is no where around when I make it to the doorway . I don't want to see or hear her at the moment .

I grab my coat and shoes putting them on before quickly leaving the house .

"Wow Seoul . Why so cold ?" I mutter walking as fast as I can to Haneul cafe but I quiet enjoy the fresh air and the beautiful city .

After about a fifteen minute walk I reach the shop. Thank God because I think my feet and hands are actually starting to freeze.

"Hey . Do you want to die !"

I jump and hold a hand over my heart "I'm sorry ! " I bow to an angry looking man in his car which almost hit me.

"What's wrong with you running on the road like that?! Are you crazy?!"

"I'm sorry " I bow one last time before I enter the shop hurriedly.  
The warmth welcomes me and the smell of coffee and different sweets hits my nose . Making me actually feel at home .

I get ride of my coat and place it on a table in the back along with my bag and put on my apron . I have to start working now if I want to finish by lunch time . I have to meet Yura so we could catch up and since it's Sunday , I'm aloud to get off at 12 .

_Here we go again ._

I take a deep breath and smile brightly "Good morning Ms what would you like to have ?"

"So he told me he wants to marry me. Is he crazy? I'm not ready to get married , I didn't find the man for that yet ..." _With all the men you dated till now , I'm surprised ._

I hum in respond and nod my head . I want nothing more than this conversation to end, my head is pounding.

Suddenly Mina stops talking "Your phone is ringing "

_Thank God and thank you who ever is calling._

I get my phone from my green apron's front pocket and press answer "Took you long enough " Yura's voice booms through the speaker.

"I was thinking about ways how to end my life . Mina is driving me crazy. I'm fine thank you , how are you? " I answer sarcasm lasing my voice.

Yura's laugh booms through the speaker "You know ? I was thinking , how about we invite her next time to our sleep over. What do you say? I would love to hear her stories. They seem so interesting. "

"Shut up " thankfully Mina is not around anymore. Sure thing I don't like her stories and the fact that she takes way too much sometimes, but I don't want to hurt her feeling by telling her that. I'm not a bitch.

"Alright. I'm driving to your coffee shop. I'm almost there, You said you get off at 12 ?" I hum while mixing with one hand, a cream milk for some customer . "Yeah, well it is 12 sharp Jisoo. Meet me outside in 2 minutes. Bye " She hungs up.

My phone reads 12 sharp indeed. Getting off of my apron and taking my stuff, I run to the boss's office. I mock before opening the door slowly .

I stick my head in the small crack to find my boss on his desk holding a book or whatever that is "Sir. My shift is over, is there anything you want me to do before a leave "

He looks up and takes off his glasses " You can go, Kim Jisoo. See you next week " I bow and close the door.

"That wasn't two minutes, Kim Jisoo. You are lucky I didn't leave you're ass to have lunch by myself " Yura points a finger at me the second I get in her car.

I roll my eyes putting the seat belt "You got here in less than two minutes Hwang Yura. Now let's go , I'm hungry." my stomach growls making me give her a look that says _see_?.

======================

"Can you not walk like that? The whole restaurant is looking at us, your heels are bringing unnecessary attention ! " I hiss at Yura while we walk to a free table.

"My heels are fine, it's the people who can't mind their own businesses. "

We sit facing each other at a table beside the window "No your heels are not fine. They are distracting people who are trying to eat their food in peace "

"Now, how can a pair of heels do that? " she takes the menu from the waiter holds it to her face.

I shake my head in disbelief" You win "

My eyes rank the menu as I try to find something that appeals to me. Yura in front of me puts hers down and my eyebrows rise.

"Choosing what to eat isn't that hard Jisoo, everything is good here just choose whatever "

"How dare you. It's the most important decision I have to make in my life. But I think I will... _oh God no"_

"What? What are you looking at?" Yura looks in the direction of the person I always dread to see "Come on. Her? Out of all people? " my head drops trying to avoid looking at her so she won't notice us.

"Let's go somewhere else please, I didn't like anything here anyway"

"We're not leaving to anywhere because of anyone. We're staying here. " Yura mentions the waiter to come.

"This is what I call a beautiful meet up between three old friends " Just when I am about to open my mouth to convince Yura. The person I want to leave this place because , speaks out beside me.

I shut my eyes tightly before opening them , I place the fakest smile ever on my face and pick my head up "Song Min young "

My voice comes out better than I thought it would sound.

There she stands, with her huge breasts and a pink dress that suits her very well .

"Kim Jisoo , Hwang Yura . I missed you girls so much " The bitterness drips from her tone as she smiles like the evil person she is. I want to gag for her fakeness.

"We can't say the same about you" I can't agree more on Yura's reply. We both hate Song Min young's gats and she hates ours. Especially mine.

She holds a hand over her mouth and laughs "Yura-ah , I love your sense of humor " she stops laughing then she carries on "I came here with my fiancée. We are getting married in three months. I saw you and I thought I should take the chance to invite you to the wedding" She opens her hand bag and takes out an envelope which is an invitation. She hands it to me.

"We will be busy that day Min young. Unfortunately " I tell her after I open the envelope.

She laughs bitterly and wipes a non existent tear "Busy doing what Kim Jisoo? Giving out coffee and tea? By the way, are you still working at a coffee shop? " Yura glares at her and goes to answer her but I beat her to it.

"Are you still going to the surgeon every month? " her face drops "Your face is looking baked I bet you still do " She scoffs and turns her attention to Yura whose barely holding a laugh .

"How is Jinyoung? I can't get to him these days. Is her that busy that he can't answer my phone calls? "

Yura looks at her then she smiles "I don't know. Ask Jisoo, she would know, he has been busy with her after all. " my eyes wide and I almost choke on air.

_Really Hwang Yura?_

Min young smirks and glances at me "Really now? You and Park Jinyoung are dating? Who would've thought right? " her eyes don't reflect her expression. She looks calm but I know she wants nothing more than to stick the fork on this table in my eyes.

I gulp and look back at her " I know " I laugh unheartedly because my heart dropped already.

"Park Jinyoung has always been blind after all, I shouldn't be that surprised " she looks at me from head to toe "I have to go back to my table now. Nice seeing you girls. " _she gets on my nerves._

"You too Song Min young. Nice seeing your tits - I mean your face" I grin and wave at her. She flips her hair giving me a hard look and walks away from us.

I quickly turn my attention to Yura who suddenly stops laughing when I give her a glare "Are you serious? "

She shrugs "It was worth it, I think a saw her eye twitching from anger "

"She didn't even buy it. It was unnecessary Hwang Yura " my voice gives out how upset I am with the lie Yura told.

"Of course she did. She would have shot you if a gun was anywhere around...That snake. I love Jinyoung for ignoring her all his life " she calls the waiter again who most likely ran away earlier from all the tension.

"She has a fiancé , I don't think she cares about him that much "

She rolls her eyes "Please. She sticks to Jinyoung like a gum every chance she gets. That girl is obsessed... Everybody knows that just like they know he could give two shits about her " she finishes while ordering her food.

"Let's just not talk about her , I might throw up " Yura nods and suggests to order for me which I accept .

It's not like I have or ever had any competition with her. But she knows I like Jinyoung, she over heard us me and Yura talking about it in high school days .

"You're going to eat cold meat because of Song Min young "

I won't let her ruin my food just like she ruined my high school life.

I mean she didn't really ruin it but she definitely didn't make it easier.


	4. Chapter 4

**Kim Jisoo :**   
**=========**

"That's why I hate clothing store owners. They think they know everything... You heard her right? She basically called me fat! " It has been almost an hour since I have been trying to calm Yura down and nothing is working. We decided to go shopping after we finished lunch. She decided to do that, I just agreed because I have nothing else to do.

"You own a clothing store Yura "

"Whatever " she moves her eyes from the road to look at me "The party is tonight. If you say you're not going I will throw you out of this car while still driving "

"Yura-ah it's not that I never went to a party before but I'm really not feeling this one" she gorans loudly.

"I don't care. You are going with us, I'm going to drop you home and you will get ready then I will come to pick you up at ten o'clock tonight. I will drag you there myself if I have to " I sigh loudly but nod.

"Fine...okay " I just hope I won't regret this .

"I trust you with the outfit choice just don't wear a prom dress " I ignore her warning and wave goodbye before slipping inside the quite house.

As I inter my room and drop my body and things onto the bed my phone beeps inside my bag, I take it out and I see that I just got a message for Jinyoung. My mouth curves into a big smile as I read it.

_I just heard from Yura that you're coming with us tonight. How was your day by the way?_

My heart flutters as I type my reply " She sure... Delivers the... News fast... It was fine... How about yours ?" Of course I'm not going to mention that horrible meeting with Song Min young. I'm surprised Yura didn't tell him. Yet.

_Good. It was fine._

Just imaging him holding his phone that probably looks small in his big hands, got off the shower , that's what he does when he comes back from work late in the afternoon, His wet black hair now covering his forehead and some locks fall over his eyes. His muscular frame wrapped in a bathrobe, his skin probably smells like heaven because that's what he smells like every second of the day and it drives me insane.

"I hope you're happy Park Jinyoung, I'm losing my mind because of you " I mutter going through the pictures on my phone. And by pictures I mean Jinyoung's. Luckily he never got a hold of it. Hell would break loose if that happens.

Most of his pictures I have are either from high school or from university. But still he didn't change one bit. He always looked handsome enough to give me a heart attack...God can I really keep my feelings for him a secret much longer? It has been more then 4 years since I admitted to myself that I'm in love with him and that he isn't just a crush. It was so hard seeing him with other girls before and now that he's busy for that I can't say I'm not thankful... Not that he's busy but You know what I mean.

"Mom? " I call out when I hear the pass word of our house being typed. I get nothing back.

I throw my phone on the bed and walk out of my room to the kitchen where I can hear a bunch of noises.

I gasp and jump when I see a person standing in front of our fridge .

"You scared me" I breath out putting a hand over my heart "You can't just get in like that like it's your house. You should have knocked like normal people do" I snap at my mom's boyfriend still trying to calm my breathing.

He opens a beer can and smirks "I don't think you should talk to me like that, I'm two years older than you "

"And I don't care" I give him a dirty look "where is my mom? "

He gulps half the beer before answering "I don't know "

"Some boyfriend you are " I scoff and walk back to my room.

"Soon, more than that " That makes me stop dead in my track.   
I face him again and look at him confusingly.

"What do you mean? "

He smirks again after throwing the beer can in the trash , he passes me brushing his shoulder with mine .

 _I hate him._ And sometimes my mother for getting him in our life.

"You can't stay in this house when mom is not here! " I shout behind him but he ignores me and goes inside my mother's room. I roll my eyes and give up going inside my room I lock the door .

I should probably choose a dress to wear for tonight, I have a couple in my head but I'm not sure which one to pick. I open my closet ranking each dress.

_The perks of having your best friend who owns a clothing store._

I told her so many times not to send me anything but she never listens. As you may know by now, I don't like to depend on anyone for anything. I do everything on my own and I have always been this way.

I hate people's help and sympathy even if it comes from my closest friends. Whenever I try to explain that to them they get upset saying what they are not doing it out of sympathy but because they love me and care about me which makes me feel bad after I often go off on them when they offer me their hand.

After a serious time of going through my closet to pick an outfit I decide on a simple red dress That I can wear with matching heels and leave it on. My bed. The details are nothing over the top, it's very beautiful.

I need to take a shower and do my hair and makeup. That's why I like staying home instead of going to a party.

Staying in is the best option for someone like me. Partyphobia.

_I'm in front of your house. Kim Jisoo if you don't get out now, the next person knocking at your door like a crazy bitch would be me._

I read Yura's message while biting my nails, I take a deep breath then I stand up from my mattress fixing my dress. I don't even know why I'm so nervous. I'm only meeting my two other close friends there whom I spend half of my life with. Only one of them is the man I love. No big deal.

I pick my black clutch and matching coat and leave my room quietly.

My mother must be home by now and I don't want to talk to her I'm still upset from today argument and I'm pissed off at her boyfriend for having the audacity to stay alone with the daughter of his 'girlfriend' whose only two years younger than him.

"Look at you! Oh my God " Yura's voice is so high I can hear it from my position still closing the door behind me. I quicken my pace and get inside her car.

"You look so beautiful Kim Jisoo" She compliments my red dress and red lips and my straight black hair over my shoulders.

I won't lie I have done a pretty good job on myself. I'm not that clueless when it comes to some style.

"You look so beautiful too Hwang Yura" her dark blue dress brings out her honey colored hair and her dark makeup completes it. My best friend is really beautiful.

"Are you ready for the night of your life? " She shouts turning on the car .

I look at her as if saying 'don't exaggerat' She gives me a big smile and shrugs.

"Are you even listening to me? " I'm snapped out of my daze by Yura's voice.

I turn to her and nod " Yeah of course I am " she titles her head to the side and gives me a flat expression."Sorry " I look at her apologizingly.

She shakes her head and locks her eyed on the road again " I have been talking for five minutes straight I bet you heard none of the things i said... What are you so nervous about? "

"I'm not nervous "

"Yeah? Explain why you have been picking at that bag since you set here " I realize what she said is true and my hands freeze immediately.

"You look amazing Jisoo, you have nothing to worry about... Everything will be fine, plus you're not going with strangers. It's not even your first party " her words kind of calm me down. a bit.

"I haven't been to a party with you guys in almost two or three years, I just don't want to regret coming " My voice shakes. _It's shaking._ And my hands are sweating. Let's not talk about my heart please.

She puts a hand on my shoulder with the other one still on the wheel "It's going to be fine" she pats my arm next "Hey... Park Jinyoung will lose is mind once he sets eyes on you " She smirks but still talk with a soft voice.

"You shouldn't have said that you made me ten thousand times more nervous than I already am" she laughs then focuses on driving again.

_Why is this damn drive so long?_

Maybe I should take the chance and tell her to drive me back home. Maybe it's a sign from God that tells me you should get your ass back at home Kim Jisoo .

"Aaaaand we're here " Yura stops the car and I think my heart does the same "Jisoo-ah it's going to be fine...I promise" she assumes me apon seeing my pale face probably.

Yeah. Everything will be fine. What could possibly happen? The last time I was this nervous is when I went to my father's house for the first time to spend Christmas with him and his family. I met his wife and his two little kids. I remember I kept throwing up the whole night before. Jinyoung drove me there and told me to call him If ever I wanted to leave he said it wouldn't matter at what time. He would come get me.

That was three years ago.

I take a deep breath and unlock the seatbelt and open the car door before getting out. Yura does the same.

"There... I see Sunghoon and..." I glance at the direction she's pointing at and in fact I see Sunghoon, only Sunghoon.

We get close to him and both our eyebrows are knitting.

"Where's Park Jinyoung? " I ask him looking around .

He shakes his head and both me and Yura look at him confusingly "His grandfather is in hospital "

"What? " my voice rises and my eyes widen "Then what are we doing here? We need to go to him " My feet are already moving towards Yura's car until Sunghoon stops me by my arm and drags me back to them.

I look at his arm weirdly then at him "What are you doing? Let go"

"No. We can't go to the hospital Jisoo not only Grandpa is not well but also Jinyoung he... he lost it. I don't think it's a good idea for us to go right now...I was just there and he's so angry... He's screaming at everyone around him, you know how he gets"

"That doesn't mean we leave him alone " I try to free my hand from his grab.

"I was just there a few minutes ago. I was worried you would be waiting for us and he's not alone Jisoo "

I shiver and I don't think it's from the cold.

"I don't care I want to go " my voice sharps and Yura puts her arm around my shoulders.

"Wait Kim Jisoo let's understand things first...how is Grandpa? Is his state that critical? " My eyed snap back at Sunghoon realizing I haven't asked about Grandpa yet.   
"We don't know. That's why Jinyoung is nearly going crazy " he sighs sadly.

Jinyoung loves his Grandfather so much. Maybe more than his own parents .

I drop my head and breath deeply "When can we go see him? "

"In the morning... At least until Jinyoung cools down. He can't even stand his parents right now"

Both me and Yura nod sadly and Sunghoon shakes his head for the millionth time.

It's hard for us to know our close friend is going through a hard time. And the fact that it's his most important person makes it even worse .

To think about it I think it's better for us to go to the hospital tomorrow morning. Seeing us all scattered there now won't make him feel any better. It would only make him feel more anxious.

"Let's get you girls home now "  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter and that you're liking the story so far . I'm really working hard 😣 please support me with your votes and maybe some tiny comments 🙈 ...Share the story if possible ? 🙊
> 
> Love u all and thank u ❤ xoxo


	5. Chapter 5

**Jisoo :**   
**======**

My mind won't stop imagining what Jinyoung must be feeling right now after Sunghoon dropped me off.

I'm worried sick about him.

I debate so much on if I should call him or not. Text him? I can't seem to stop thinking and walking back and forth in my room.

I can understand how he wouldn't want us there at this moment , he would feel pressured somehow.

I got a call from Sunghoon thirty minutes ago telling me that his grandfather's condition is kind of bad. He didn't say much about it when I kept asking.

Jinyoung's grandfather long ago has been diagnosed with Alzheimer, A disease which affects mostly old people .

And that affected Jinyoung deeply because one of those people was his grandfather.

"I should maybe call him... Yeah... Just to make sure he's okay" I grab my phone and dial his number , I want to press call but my finger doesn't seem to move.

I will text him... That's better... But what will I say to him? Will he even read it? Probably not.

And my night passes just like that. Walking around my room, sometimes laying on my bed, thinking about Park Jinyoung and his grandfather up until the sun rises.  
  


\----------------------------------------------------  
  


"Hey...You look like you didn't slept last night " My best friend watches me quietly .

"Yura can you please focus on driving? You have been looking at me for the past twenty minutes , do you have plans to kill us ?"

I didn't mean for my voice to come out as sharp but my mind is all over the place .

"Jeez okay, you don't have to get all upset I'm just worried about you "

"This is not about me "

she lifts her hand in surrender then continues driving.

I know I'm being a bitch but I can't help that the only person I'm thinking about is Jinyoung, He's the most important right now to me and there for his Grandfather too.

"Sunghoon can't meet us down because he's with Jinyoung so we're going to have to ask " Yura speaks when we get off the car as we arrive at the hospital .

I sigh and close my eyes then open my mouth to respond

"I'm sorry... I was being so unfair to you I am-"

"Jisoo do you really think I could be upset with you for that? It's okay..." She cuts me off with a soft voice.

I give her a small smile which she returns then we start walking inside.

Once we get in, we reach the receptionist.

She lifts her head from the computer and moves her eyes back and forth between me and Yura .

"Can I help you ?" She asks in a formal voice and fixes her glasses over her nose.

"Yes. We want to know in which room is Mr Park Myung Ok ? " Yura replies in a similar tone.

She frowns her eyebrows and ranks us up and down " And who are you may I ask?"

"We're his grandson's best friends Hwang Yura and Kim Jisoo "

"Ah Ms Hwang forgive me. Your parents are here along with your brother . It's room 215 second floor " she finishes then looks at me strangely .

" As for you Ms Kim I'm sorry I can't let you go up because only friends and family are aloud to see Mr Park "

"Excuse me?" My eyebrows forwn along with my face.

She gives me a cold stare then looks down to her computer again .

"You're excused "

"She is a friend didn't you hear what I just said? There for she comes with me "

The lady faces us again and shakes her head.

"I'm sorry Ms Hwang. I'm only following orders if you have a problem you should speak with one of the family "

I scoff and roll my eyes "Who gave you these orders? "

"Mr Jinyoung himself "

"So Jinyoung told you to not let me go up? "

"No he said only friends and family can, And I don't know you nor your family Ms Jisoo so I guess you're neither"

I let out a loud breath and close my eyes tightly.

"Listen to me whatever your name is. If I call Jinyoung and tell him about this you're going to take big responsibility because I can assure you he won't be happy " Yura threatens her pointing a finger at her face.

I sigh and grab Yura's arm draging her with me away from the desk.

"It's fine. Just go... we will figure out something, talking to her is pointless "

"I will tell Sunghoon to get down here to sort this out since this bitch doesn't seem to believe us... he's not answering his phone " She tries to call her brother but just like she said he doesn't pick up.

I nod telling her to go then sit on a chair in the lobby.

My legs bounce while still sitting on the cold wooden chair as I catch the receptionist stealing glances typing on her computer.

A lot of people get in and out of the hospital , I even start counting them from boredom , the slight ding of the elevator doesn't stop . I'm anxious and with her facing me makes it worse.

So I face the door instead. I look out the door trying to ignore her questioning gaze.

"Of course you should be sorry. You recognized Yura as my friend and she was with her which means she's my friend too" my head snaps in the direction of the familiar angry voice .

And Jinyoung stands there. Shouting at the woman.

"Again I'm sorry sir, I thought she just came with Ms Yura and that you dont know her so I didn't-"

"She came with Yura that was enough. Her name is Kim jisoo remember it because she will be coming here often "

I fast walk to him and put a hand on his shoulder.

The woman glances at me then drops her head again.

"Jinyoung it's fine, people are looking at us, just let it go "

I speak in a hushed tone knowing that the feel of his skin on my hand has an effect on me. Even if it's his black dress shirt I'm really touching.

He slowly turns to me and my breath hitches.

He's black her is all messy, his eyes are hallow and dark circles are so evidet around them making him look exactly the way I imagined.

But although his tired state he still looks good to me .

He glances at me for a second then back at the receptionist who has her head still down.

"Next time she better not be sitting in the lobby because-" his words come out threatening " then you wouldn't have a job anymore " my heart flutters and my stomach churns from his words.

The woman nods repeatedly apologizing to both of us which makes me feel a bit bad .

Jinyoung then grabs my arm slightly leading us outside .

I frown but stay silent not saying a word until we reach the backyard of the hospital.

He let's go of my arm and sits down on a bench telling me to do the same.

"Are you okay? " I decide to speak without looking at him .

I hear him breath deeply which makes me face him and that gives me the chance to really look at him.

_Park Jinyoung  what can I do to take the sadness off of your face?_

"It's too crowded up there that's why I wanted to come down and have some fresh air" he dodges my question.

I didn't have to ask I already knew the answer.

"I figured ...Sunghoon was supposed to come down but then I saw you "

The space between us feels so big. And it's heavy, it makes me uncomfortable because I have to make sure I pick the right words.   
"Or should I say heard you... You're the only person I know who sounds like that when they are mad...Scary " I attempt to lighten the mood a little bit and it somehow works.

A small smile tugs on his lips and a similar one curvs on mine. I'm surprised, I know I suck at these things, comforting and all.

His face turns to me and his eyes lock with mine.

"Thank you for coming and I'm sorry for earlier "

"You don't have to thank me for this Jinyoung of course I will come " My eyes ran back and forth between his "and it's fine it was just a misunderstanding "

He nods and looks away and after a few minutes of silence he speaks up.

"You know what my Grandfather asked me this week? "

I gulp and fiddle with y hands "What? "

"He asked me to move to the house again" he glances at me then looks away "When my parents where out of town , he didn't want to stay with the maids and the nurses alone at that big house so he asked me to come back and live with them again"

My eyes water at his small and shaky voice.

"You know what I told him ? "

I shake my head slowly.

He runs a hand through his hair and drops his head .

"I told him no..." His voice cracks "I told him I would rather live on the streets before moving back with my parents again "

A few tears escape my eyes and run down my cheeks, I lift my hand and brush them away before Jinyoung sees them .

"I told him no... I..." He breaths out loudly leaning on his knees covering his face with his hands.

My hand automatically finds it's way on his back rubbing it back in forth trying to comfort him in a way but I know that won't help.   
He regrets declining his grandfather's request and regret is one of the worst feelings ever.

I want to speak, to say everything will be okay but will it really? I don't know... And I don't want to feed him something no one is sure about...so I just stay silent.

"If I knew this would happen I would have agreed immediately...but instead I was being a selfish bastard -"

"But you didn't know" I cut him off softly "You didn't know...Jinyoung...Regretting won't take you back to change what already happened"

He lifts his head and looks at me with red eyes that cause my heart to break and my breath to stop.

"Regret is a form of punishment so don't punish yourself... There is no rewind button Jinyoung... You have to keep yourself together and pray for your grandfather to get better so you can do right what you did wrong" he sits straight again and sniffles. He then runs a hand over his face and locks eyes with me.

"Do you think he will make it?"

"Your grandfather is strong he always makes it. Let's pray he does this time too"

Jinyoung shakes his head and looks away sighting.

"He never left us down... I don't think he will this time, plus he still owns me a forehead tap from last week's game he lost "

He faces me again then I see it.

A smile before a laugh breaks through his lips.

I stare at him while smiling like a fool, proud I'm the one who made him laugh at a time like this.

The sound of his laugh lights up my whole world and I'm afraid I would live in the dark someday.

His small laugh stops then he lifts his hand and puts it over my head messing my hair.

"Thank you Jisoo-ah "

I push his hand away jokingly poting and fixing my it which, makes him smile even bigger.

_Can I be more in love with this man?_

He then faces ahead and closes his eyes breathing deeply.

I stare at him.

But then I wrap my hands around his strong arm and place my head on his shoulder.

He looks down at me . Smiles and closes his eyes again.

_The answer is yes. I can._


	6. Chapter 6

**Jisoo:**   
**======**

"Sure. You can come when all my furniture will be floating along with all my clothes and my new Chinese dishes... No you idiot I can't wait till tomorrow ! "

I jolt up from my mother's loud voice, cursing under my breath when I open my eyes and the day light burnes them . My hands lift up to cover my face and through my state I try to search for my phone on my bed which I find under my pillow.

8 in the morning.

Groaning I flop on my bed again and this time lifting my thick duvet over my head.

"I need you to come fix my bathroom today ! I don't care ... You will get paid for it ! It's not like you will be doing it for free !" Her voice gets louder making me sigh in frustration.

I lift the cover off of my head slowly trying to adjust to the light.

My feet hit the cold floor after I leave the bed and goospebumps rise all over my arm.

I should have worn four sweaters instead of three...

"Mom what's going on? " I ask with my gorgy voice when I walk inside the living room where my mom is pacing and shouting on the phone.

She realizes my presence and hungs up the phone after cursing at who seems to be a plumber .

"There is a pool in our bathroom and if this damn plumber doesn't come to fix it then the whole house will be transformed into a pool " She says angrily locking gazes with me.

My eyes travel from her face to the faucet in her left hand.

I point to the object in her hand with my eyebrows rising " Mom is that... Our sink faucet? "

"Yeah... It came with my hand while I closed it" she answers nonchalantly brushing past me heading to the kitchen.

"You broke it " I say following her

"No I didn't "

"Yes you did "

"No I didn't...just... Why are you even accusing me? " She pours coffee into her cup and sits on a chair at the kitchen table .

Shaking my head I decide to take a look in the bathroom and I wish I hadn't...

"I hope the repair man makes it today before that pool really happens"

My mother hums drinking her coffee.

"Can you ask him to fix the heater as well? I don't want to freeze" I walk to the cupboard, picking a cup and filling it with milk and some coffee.

"Sure. " my eyes widen and I look at her surprisingly "If you pay him for it then sure I will ask him for you... There is nothing I wouldn't do for my daughter " she speaks in a soft tone mockingly .

"Unbelievable " I scoff loudly sitting opposite from her.

"That's the word I was going to use describing you hair right now Jisoo... You look like you have been fighting with cats all night" she snickers when I pick her phone holding it to my reflection on the screen and gasping.

Forgot my hair.

I look horrible. The dark circles around my eyes from the lack of sleep... My dry lips... And my messy black hair sticking all over my face...

Sighting I sit the phone down and place the rum of the cup between my lips taking a small sip.

"Are you going to the hospital again today? "

Her questions catches me off gard as I look at her to then realise  she has been watching me.

I clear my throat and take another sip from my drink "I told you... I will be going to the hospital everyday Until Jinyoung's grandfather gets out "

She nods.

"How is he? I was busy the last two days I forgot to ask you"

I stare at her with a blank expression.

"You weren't busy mom. I wasn't home for last two days, I was at Yura's, I came back last night " I speak dryly.

"Oh... You were? I came back late at night from work... I thought you would be sleeping ...so I didn't want to wake you up " she avoids my gaze and lies through her teeth like I don't know she was busy but with her boyfriend and their dates not with work.

"Ironic how that's what you always say whenever you don't realize I wasn't home. Right mom? Almost as if it's your only excuse "

"Don't be dramatic" She rolls her eyes getting up to put her empty cup in the sink " I think the plumber will be here in a couple of hours seeing as I threatened him enough so you have to stay home and wait for him because I have things to do"

I get up hurriedly going after her into her room " What? Mom no I can't wait for two hours...what even things do you have to do on a weekend? "

"Uh... Things you don't have to know. I'm your mother not the inverse " she puts all the makeup on the dresser in her blue bag. A bag she couldn't afford but bought anyway then walks out and heads for the door with me hot on her heals.

"But I have to go to the hospital... Mom -"

She didn't even let me finish before she puts on her coat and shoes and leaves the house.

In anger my hands fly to my hair tugging on it making it look worst then it was and an angry shrink makes it through my lips.

I'm really not in the mood for this now. This week has been the worst. With the busy coffee shop and Jinyoung and his grandfather and now my mother.

The hours I got from sleep can be counted.

This week's routine has been, going to work then to the hospital right after then 'sleeping' at Yura's house because no one would have the energy to drive me all the way from the hospital to my house.

Jinyoung's grandfather is getting better everyday and thank God for that.

Jinyoung is practically living in the hospital. He didn't go anywhere unless he wants to shower and change clothes .

And today that it's the weekend I want to go early so I can spend more time with him then usual.

Those few minutes conversation I'm having with him don't satisfy me.

The ringing bell interrupts me from my deep thoughts and I'm thankful for that because I'm starting to have a headache.

"Good morning sunshine we- " I open the door to find Yura standing with a weird look on her face .

"What? Why are you looking at me like that? "

"Your hair looks funny Kim Jisoo, you look like a grandma with your hundred coat tops and those baggy horrific strawberry shortcake pants...were you fighting monkeys before I came?"

I was fighting cats and now monkeys... Great.

I roll my eyes moving a side letting her get inside "It's called just woke up from bed Yura , do you wake up looking like a princess in the morning ?"

"Yes"

"Haha"

"All jokes aside. Go do something with your appearance Jisoo, we have to leave, Sunghoon is already there " she says following me to my room.

"Can we go after the plumber comes to fix the sink in the bathroom? "

"What? Why? Where is your mom? " she sits on my bed looking up at me while I go through my closet to find me some descent clothes.

"She left "

"When was your mom ever home"

I nod putting on dark blue jeans and a white sweater. I go to my dresser and pick up my hairbrush " You can go If you want Yura... You don't have to wait with me "

"I'm not leaving without you "

I look at her through the mirror sending her an appreciation smile which she returns.

"Yura can you open the door please...it must be that plumber "

Thank God he did take too long to come.

But I just realized something... Mom didn't leave me money to pay him... Which means I have to do it with my own...perfect.

________________________________________________________________________________

"Ladies... Took you long enough " Sunghoon says before giving me a hug and his sister a semi one.

"Weren't you guys together only this morning? " I move my finger between them.

"What I can say... Bromance " Sunghoon pushes his sister against his side looking at her lovingly making me gag jokingly.   
Yura huffs and frees herself from her brother's arms "I'm a girl "

"You will always be my buddy "

"Stop saying that ...you're going to ruin my reputation "

"What reputation do you have-"

That's when I zone out from the conversation . Because the person I came as fast as I can for, is nowhere into view.

"Eh... Sunghoon where is Jinyoung? Did he go somewhere? " I ask. Sunghoon let's go of his sister's hair he was messing with and turns to look at me.

"He's in the hospital yard he wanted to have a smoke. You can go we will wait for you so we can see his grandfather together, I haven't seen him yet this morning " I nod gratefully before I practically sprint down the hall and then down the stairs bumping into a few people on the way.

Before you ask why I'm so excited to see him when I always do after work. I didn't yesterday. When I got to the hospital his mother told me he just went home to change his clothes. To say I was disappointed is an understandment. But after I saw grandfather that feeling washed away. He was doing so well. We even played card together but it was only for a little way. Sunghoon had to drive me home after two days.

I slow down my pace when I get outside heading to the yard, I put a hand over my chest breathing heavily from the running I did before my eyes find Park Jinyoung across from me. Sitting on a bench like we were a week ago. A cigarette betwee his lips and smoke blowing out of his mouth.   
I gulp from the view and walk slowly towards him.

His eyes suddenly fall on me and he throws the cigarette on the floor stepping on it with his white converse. The side of his mouth lifts up in a half smile then he lifts his hand and gives me a small wave that I return smiling back.

"You didn't have to do that " I say once a reach him and sit beside him on the cold bench.

"What? " he turns his head towards me to look at me.

"Turn off the cigarette I mean. It's not like you've never smoked around me before "

"Okay then" he goes inside the pocket of his black jeans getting the pack of cigarettes out , he puts it between his lips and goes to light it but I take it and put it back into it's place then place the pack beside me. And all this time he watches me while smirking.

He holds his hands up in surrender. I look away hiding my smile then I glance at him again to find him grinning. I keep staring at him until he frowns which makes me realize what I'm doing

"Do you want to hear a nice joke?" I ask him suddenly.

"Go ahead and It better be funny " I roll my eyes before I turn my body to face him.

"So twins where fighting and throwing insults at each other...guess what did one of them say to the other? " Jinyoung rises an eyebrow.

"What did he say? "

"You're ugly" I burst into a fit of laughter at my own joke but Jinyoung just rises both eyebrows instead of one looking at me as if I'm crazy "I know you want to laugh stop holding it in "

"That wasn't funny at all "

"They were twins ! One of them said to the other you're ugly he basically called himself ugly ! Since they're twins... Get it?! " my laughter seces but a few chuckles manage to come out between each word.

"I get it but it still not funny " he frowns teasingly which makes me bump my shoulder with his.

"Yes it is ! I can see the corner of your lips lifting upwards, stop fighting it" he slaps the finger I'm pointing towards his mouth and shakes his head.

"No it's not... Shut up " I squint my eyes and keep looking at him until his beautiful white teeth make an appearance then the beautiful sound of his light laugh melts my heart . Then I join him feeling like a puddle under his deep brown eyes reflecting the sunlight.

"I admit that's better than whatever jokes you thought you were telling "

"I'm offended "

"That was intended "

I fake a gasp "Seriously why are we even friends? If you don't like my jokes " I try my hardest to look and sound mad. He grins and shakes his head slightly.

"You don't look threatening one bit Jisoo "

"Oh really? Then what do I look like "

"You look like a cute little puppy" I'm just going to ignore that okay? For my well being.

"Did you just call me a dog?" I cross my arms "You didn't "

"You forgot cute " he smirks and I try my hardes not to give up and smile.

" I think your ears are too bigJinyoung "

"i'm surprised you even saw them from your height" he shrugs making me scuff.

"you have a girl's eyelashes ... and don't you dare say something about my nose, I know you want to " he Snickers and that causes a small smile to draw on my frozen lips.

"You're right I wanted too... It's just so small " he pinches it with his cold pale hands and I pull away .

"I know "

After a few minutes of random talks , Jinyoung stands up cleaning his pants and obvious to the fact that its time for us to join the others up. I get up as well putting a strand of my black hair around my ear.

"Aren't you cold? Were is your jaket Jisoo? "

"I left it upstairs with my bag. I'm fine not so cold " Liar.

"What if you get sick? Why did you get down without it " he sounds both worried and upset as we walk inside the huge hospital.

"You're not even wearing yours, aren't you worried you would get sick? "

"I won't" we walk through the lobby and into the elevator that I was too stupid to use earlier. He presses the third floor after we squeeze between all the people inside. Korea for you. Crowd everyday everywhere.

Jinyoung glances down at me which causes his hot breath to hit my face from the close proximity between us and I can't help but avoid his gaze when he bents his head to my level.

"Are you okay? You're sweating " he whispers in my ear. The side of his face is literally against my flaring one.

My mouth is dry and my nose won't stop inhaling his scent maybe trying to stock it for later. I lick my lips and breath out slowly. Not only I can feel his hard chest pressed against my back but there is way too many people and I can't breath.

"Well thanks Sherlock. Can't you see how many people are in here" My voice is barley audible from the fact that his oder is invading all my senses and making me loose them.

He chuckles, leaning on the wall beside him .

"I found a new smoking buddy " Jinyoung says once we reach the two sibling . I roll my eyes knowing no one would buy that.

"Your grandfather is awake and waiting for us , let's go in " Yura speaks and we all nod walking inside the room .

"Good morning Grandpa " Jinyoung paces to the bed where his grandfather is sitting on reading and looking healthier than before. he smiles big and folds the journal looking at us entering one by one to see him .

"Kids ! Come in I have been waiting for you " We walk to him standing around his bed returning the smile he gives us.

"How are you today grandpa ?" Jinyoung is the only one who sits beside his grandfather.

"Better , better can't you see ?" he starts off .

"Your grandfather is doing good son . he's a tough man let me tell you that " The doctor walks in . He slowly makes his way to us "In no time he will be out of here "

"that's good news I'm getting tired of laying down and doing nothing "

We spend an hour just casually talking and laughing until it was time for Jinyoung's grandfather to take his medicine and rest . we had to leave so we decided to have lunch together after such a long time .

"Can I pick the restaurant?" Yura asks when we reach the parked two cars

"Yes since no one really cares where as long as they have some good ass food . I'm starving"

She rolls her eyes at her brother and goes to unlock her car when Jinyoung stops her "Let's just take one car " He unlocks his car and walks around to the driver's seat "We're all going to the same place anyway"

"Yeah . You can just leave yours here Yura and we'll come to pick it up later " she nods , we both join the boys to the car , Jae hoon waists no time and races away from the hospital.

"Why are you so quiet?" Yura leans into my ear as we're seated behind .

I shrug eying her weirdly "Do I usually speak too much ?"

"No but today you're _unusually_ _too_ quiet" She says leaning back into her seat "it's worrying me "

"I don't know " She frowns

I'm starting to think too much about what getting my feelings out of my chest and it's seriously scaring me . Earlier when I was with him , sitting outside , I almost confessed. I can't believe I was about to open my mouth and say the words that could either destroy our friendship or take it to the next level . just a few words that could either end me or make me the happiest person on this earth .

"Do you want to talk about it later ?"

I plaste a fake smile on my face and shake my head "Thanks but no . I'm fine "

"Is everything okay over there ?" Jinyoung looks at us through the rear mirror . I just nod .


	7. Chapter 7

**Jisoo:**  
 **=====** =

No words leave my mouth throughout the whole lunch . I'm uneasy and uncomfortable , a feeling I don't usually get around my friends , droplets of sweat cover my forehead and the weather has nothing to do with that. My breathing is sharp and my stomach is churning . I'm nervous ...or maybe sick . I don't know anymore . I have no reason to be nervous . suddenly the table goes quiet , and I feel every person around me looking at me. My hands holding the fork freeze while I'm playing with the untouched food on my plate. I'm not sure what it is anyway . I look around me meeting the questioning gazes of my friends .

"What ?" I find my voice and ask in the most normal tune I can manage .

"Are you alright ?"

"You keep asking me that a lot these days " I answer pretending I didn't just hear Yura's voice as if it's a background noise.

"Well you are acting weird these days Jisoo" Her brother states "Is something wrong ? You didn't speak once , nor have you touched your food "

"I can drive you home if you're feeling sick " This time it's Jinyoung's turn to speak .

Have I really been acting this weird ?

I clear my throat , hold the filled glass of red wine to my lips and send it down in one shot "Are you sure you guys are not trying to get rid of me so you can have all this fancy wine to yourselves?" I look at them suspiciously .

"Goddamn it she got us " Sunghoon shakes his Head then smiles lightly .

"I knew it . You sneaky bastards" I say and they break into a laugh, all expect Yura who keeps staring at me intensely , seeing right through my act before joining the small conversation I created to lighten the mood .

________________________________________________________________________________

"You little ...you think I bought that ? " Yura huffs , dipping the white clothing in the basin with cold water then holding it to my forehead .

"You're overreacting ...it's just a little fever " My words get stuck in a cough .

"Clearly "

"I'm okay " she sighs when I cough again.

"You didn't have to sit there and pretend you were fine " she pushes her sleeves up and soaks the clothing again , placing it on my burining cheeks "hold this , I'm going to get you some pain killers, it helps " I hold the clothing to my neck and close my eyes enjoying the cold sensation . my phone buzzes beside me and I open my eyes reaching for it .

 _Should I be worried ?_ I read the words ignoring the headache from the screen light .

What should I reply to him ? Yes , you should because I caught a fever and I think I'm going crazy thinking about you ?

 _No ? Why are you even asking that ?_ I write instead.

 _I'm your friend and I have the right to ?_ I sigh and type again .

_Everything is fine you don't have to . I'm with Yura and we're going to watch a movie . stop texting me I would like to focus please._

After a few seconds my phone buzzes again . _since when is a movie more important than talking to me ?_

A small smile plasters on my face. _since always . don't think too highly of yourself Park Jinyoung that's bad for your ego ._

"Why are you smiling at your phone like that ? " Yura comes back with the pain killers in her hand and a glass . she walks to my side handing me a pill that I swallow with some water .

"Thank you " I brush her question off , she doesn't seem to notice as she sits crossed legs on my bed after she takes the now , warm clothing and places it away   
"Your temperature should start going down soon now that you had some pain killers . I thought I would find something for your coughing but I didn't find anything . I'll see what I can find tomorrow "

"It's not that bad , I don't need anything for it " Her eyes move from to me and a look of worry takes over her features again "Seriously Yura , I feel so better now . thank you "

She leans back on her palms looking at the ceiling "What for ? I didn't do anything a best friend wouldn't do, I'm just upset you tried to hide you weren't feeling okay from us ...from me " I can sense the slight hurt in her voice that makes me feel guilty .

"I didn't want you guys to worry because I caught a fever, it's not a big deal "

"We would always worry about you Jisoo , that's what friends do it's normal , you don't have to feel like you're a burden because you're not . we just want to look after you because you're one of us " She finishes with a soft voice

"That's not how I feel , I don't feel like a burden . I just ...don't want anyone to have to look out for me -"

"Exactly . No one has to look out for you , we want to . and you're not letting us , you keep refusing all sorts of help we offer you which makes us worry about you"

"Because I'm doing just fine without anybody's help ! " My voice rises without realizing , My breath catches in my throat sending a violent cough and I close my eyes avoiding Yura's widen eyes.

"I wonder why you always act defensive about this subject "

I huff trying to calm my nerves "I'm not acting defensive ...I just ...don't want to talk about this all over again . you guys offer to help me and I'm very much thankful for that but I don't want it and I'm sorry if you can't understand the fact that I don't like living off of other people's money and I don't like feeling that I owe them anything " I let out a breath and finally open my eyes to lock them with Yura's unreadable ones . after a few seconds she sighs deeply and nods her head .

"I'm sleeping here tonight . I'm not leaving you " She says curtly and moves the duvet aside so she can lay beside me but not before placing a pillow between us "What ? No offense but I don't want to catch that cold you've got"

I snort switching the light on my bedside table off "And you think that pillow will help ?"

"Leave it . At least I can keep sleep telling myself that all night" she scoots so far at the edge that she can fall if I just poke her with my finger .

"No one asked you to sleep here "   
"You're awfully mean today "

"Thank you " she scoffs which sounds like a small laugh escaping and I grin .

"Hey did you sleep ?" She asks after a few minutes .

"Still awake "

"I'm sorry " She says and I frown "I won't bring up the subject again , I know it makes you uncomfortable . if you don't want our help , that's fine , we shouldn't be pressuring you " my features soften and an overwhelming feeling washes over me . I reach for hand and hold it tightly as an act of thankfulness .

"I love you " I tell her squeezing her hand in mine .

"I love you " I can feel her smiling even though I can't see her in the dark . we both drift off to sleep after that . holding each other's hands .

**Jisoo:**   
**======**

I wake up the next morning with the smell of fresh coffee and something I can't quiet put my hands on but it smells good enough to make me leave my warm bed with little to no hardship . my thick socks covered feet make a light noise hitting the floor . Yura stands in the kitchen facing the stove , cooking whatever hurried me out of bed and clear my throat to make my presence known .

"Oh hey , you're awake " She turns around with a spoon on her hand "How are you feeling ?" She asks , her eyes trailing my body from head to toe . her brown hair falls gracefully over her shoulders . still dressed in last night's blue dress , she moves to the table and mentions for me to take a seat on one of the chairs she holds .

I slowly walk to the chair and slid onto it "I feel good " I cringe when my voice crackes horribly.

"Oh god , sore throat . That's not good " her hand then comes in contact with my forehead "You have no fever which is good . Don't worry about your throat though I have something in my house for that . I will get it for you later " I purse my lips debating on if I should tell her she doesn't have to do that but then restrain because I know she won't listen .

"Thank you Yura . really " I say instead . she shakes her head and goes back to the stove , getting whatever she was cooking before I came .

"You don't have to thank me silly...you know what you can " She then places a bowl of soup in front of me . the smell of it immediately fills my nostrils . Vegetable soup "By eating all this amazingly good soup  I made you " I stare at it for a couple of seconds then make a move to try it . I flinch slightly .

"Careful " She speaks sitting beside me with a hand under her chin .

"It's hot " My words barley make it out.

"That's the point. it has to be" I put another spoon in my mouth in fact enjoying the soup . eating it as slowly as possible so I wouldn't burn my tongue .

"Your mom ?" Yura frowns when the front door suddenly opens . I shrug and wait for the person to make an appearance from .

"Jisoo ? What are you doing here ? " My mother's boyfriend is the one showing through the small hallway. Yura beside me tenses . she never took much of a liking for Wonho . No one did . expect my mom apparently .

"I live here " I reply dryly going back to my soup and trying to ignore his existence.

He takes it upon himself to walk inside the kitchen fully and sits on the table with us "You haven't been around lately , I thought you moved out "

"I didn't obviously but I bet that would make you so Happy " I move my gaze from the bowl to him and I look at him with so much hatred .

"quiet the opposite " he chuckles " I enjoy your presence here Jisoo I thought you knew that "

"I can't say the same about you . Your presence makes me unbelievably uncomfortable and I hate every second of this pointless conversation " the words scratch my throat , I try my best not to wince from the pain and I keep a straight face.

"What's wrong with your voice ? Are you sick ?" He doesn't sound worried or curious , he rather sounds amused .

"No. I'm perfectly fine " I want to kick myself in the face because . _come on ._ who's going to believe that ? I sound apparently like a drowning cat.

"Are you sure ?" He muses causing my anger to slowly rise .

"She said she was fine . are you deaf ?" And Yura's apparently. He glances at her smirking then slowly pushes the chair out and stands up nerve wrackingly slow.

"Take care of yourself next time Jisoo , I bet your mom will be so worried once she finds out how sick her only daughter is " I can detect the smoking in his voice . dripping . and my hands boll into fits in my lap.

"I bet she will be . Thank you " I force a fat smile facing him . he smiles back at me and Yura then disappears right where he came from . I let a huge angry breath turning back around with .

"It's like he came all the way here just to shit on me and make me feel like crap " I definitely sound worse now then before.

"The jerk ...I don't know what your mom sees in him . have you ever asked her " I shake my head and Yura sighs watching me with worry in her orbs "Don't get yourself worked up because of that scum , you're still sick. here finish your soup " He places the spoon back in my hand but I put it back down .

"I'm just going to lay down... maybe go back to sleep . I want to stay home for today " I speak in a horsey voice standing up and heading toy room not waiting for her response .

"Okay. Call me if you need anything I'm not going home yet" she says as I get inside my room and close it's door . I don't know how or when I fell asleep but I did pretty quickly after I throw my body carelessly on the bed and I don't wake up until late . Opening my eyes to darkness and the dimming light coming from the windows . I must have slept the entire day , Why didn't Yura wake me up ? Which reminds me is mom home yet ? Is she ever going to come home tonight ? I don't want Yura to have to leave her house for another night because of me , not that I wouldn't love to have her stay here everyday but I know she wouldn't be very comfortable staying here and my mother's boyfriend coming and going like it's his damn property .

 _I can't forget the rent ._ I will have to pay it this week , since my mom decided to have me contribute in that too . Sighing heavily I get up running a hand through my hair trying to get it into place , which I know won't work . I probably look like hell but I don't care . I do feel a lot better though , the sleep I had definitely helped , my head is not hurting anymore , as for my throat , I'm not so sure .

I walk to the bathroom with a pile of fresh clothes in my hands . I hear nothing on my way here which makes me wonder if the house is empty . Maybe Yura went out to get something ? Maybe she went back home ? But that's very unlikely , she would have woke me up , if she decided to leave . I stop myself from overthinking everything and begin to undress and soon I'm in the shower and warm water runs above me , making me sigh in content .

"Jizoo ?" I turn off the water and run a hand over my face to clear my view "I didn't know you're awake "

"You could have knocked before just barging in , don't you think?" My words come out harsh as intended when I hold the shower curtain against my body . My mother stands in the door , in a baby pink dress that stops a little above her knees , her black hair perfectly curled , she's even wearing make up . I frow my eyebrows waiting for her to speak . I'm not even going to ask her why she's dressed up and if she has somewhere to go because I know she probably has .

"How do I look ?" She gets in fully now , twirling to show me her outfit .

"You interrupted my shower so you could ask me this ? " Groaning , I turn around and open the water again . Not that my opinion matters to her anyway , I don't know why she's asking me , but she does look beautiful .

"Tell me what do you think?" She presses , Her voice full of excitement .

"You look good mom . Now can you leave? " I say dismissively scrubbing shampoo into my hair.

She Doesn't like my answer or the way it came out . She scuffs "You could have at least tried to sound a bit sincere"

"I don't know if you realize this , but I'm kind of taking a shower and the least you can do is give me some privacy"

"Fine. finish up quickly and wear something nice , and please put a little of effort in your Appearance-"

"Wait , why would I dress up? Are we going somewhere ? " I turn off the water again then open the curtain a little bit enough to fit my head out so I can look at her .

"No . someone is coming over and we're going to have an important dinner " She says checking herself in the mirror . My frown deepens due to confusion and she continues "Winho is coming over "

"What could be so important about that " I roll my eyes extending my hand to grab the towel before wrapping it around my body "He practically lives here "

"Yes it is important so hurry up , he could be here any moment " I hold back from rolling my eyes at her over excitement and I go to close the door behind her . she puts her hand on it , stopping me and my annoyance grows .

"What Is it ?"

"One more thing .. could you maybe try to be civile with him ? He is older than you , Jisoo  " She says and I want nothing more than to close the door in her face

"I can't promise you anything " I try to push the door close again but she puts her hands even harder on it . I sigh and look at her . her face is hard and her expression serious .

"I am being serious Kim Jisoo . I didn't spend hours putting up this dinner to have you ruin it for me . You _will_ behave yourself." She finishes and turns around disappearing into the hallway Leaving me to wonder what could be so special about this dinner.

I leave the bathroom quickly afterwards , going back to my room , I find myself a long sleeved maroon dress that stops right below my knees , I blow dry my hair and decide to leave it down , I don't put any make up though . I'm not going to bother so I can sit down on a dinner table with wonho .

When I enter the kitchen my mom is setting the table . I don't even remember the last time she cooked , seeing as she did tonight, maybe it is important after all . she even made a pie.   
I want to ask her why can't she cook like this when it's just me and her but then she's never around for dinner or lunch .

When I got to my room after my shower earlier , Yura has sent me a message which I read. She told me how how my mom came back and was freaking out about a certain dinner and Yura didn't want to stay around even though my mother had asked her to stay and join us . I can't blame her for running away though I would have done the same .

"Do you want help with anything?" I ask after I keep standing in the middle awkwardly enough .

She shakes her head , setting the last plate in the middle of the table "I'm done..But you can cut the bread if you want "

I nod and get the bread then a knife , cutting it then I put it in a basket which I place on the table. My eyes wonder over each dish she made and my eyes widen . there are exactly three empty plates which means he wouldn't be bringing anyone with him . so what is all of this about ?

"He's here " she squeals and runs off to open the door when it rings . _so he knows how to ring the bell after all ._

"Jisoo , It's nice to see you " he says smiling , once he enters the kitchen and sees me standing . my mom comes in behind him with a huge grin and a bottle of champagne in her hands . he probably bought it with her money because he has none .

I want to tell him , you just saw me this morning but I bite my tongue and mirror a fake smile "Wonho . It's good to see you too" who said I can't act ?

"Alright guys " My mother claps her hand "Let's all sit down , the food is waiting "

"It looks lovely " He says kissing her cheek and pushing her chair out so she could sit . I bite the inside of my cheek looking away.   
She giggles causing me to roll my eyes as I sit in my usual seat , my mom beside me in the head of the table and Wonho beside her which makes him the one facing me . Not only I have to eat dinner with him but I would have to keep looking at his face the entire time . it can't get more perfect than that.

 


	8. Chapter 8

Jisoo:  
=====  
  
  
  
  
  


I'm hating every single second of this.

 It's the absolute worst dinner ever . like having to sit with the both of them is not bad enough . I have to hear them talking about their irritating memories . like , how they felt when they first met and how perfect their first date was , and the worst part of it all . I already heard the stories probably a hundred times from my mom .

"That was one of the best dates we have ever been on , don't you think ?" My mother smiles widely looking at her boyfriend.

 He nods mirroring her expression before he turns to me .

"When was the last time you went on a date ?" He asks and my hand halts halfway when I'm about to get a bite from my chicken.

_Behave yourself._

 I remember my mother's words and I slowly breath out trying not to give him a cocky reply .

"I don't remember , I am busy for dates , I have responsibilities as an adult and I am a very responsible person " I answer looking back at him .

 My mom besides me shifts Uncomfortably.

But I can't help myself . my words are not only directed to him but to her also , and by the look on her face she got the meaning behind it.

 As for him , he is wearing a stupid smile showing he doesn't care and that my words didn't affect him the slightest.

"Even so . let loose from time to time , you don't have to be so uptight " he says with the same smile .

 I rise my eyebrows.

Who in the hell does he think he is ? sitting there and acting like he is giving me advises about how I should live my life. I battle if I should give him another smart reply but then just stare at him and look down to my plate again.

I have to keep my calm , All he ever wants is to get under my skin .  
  


"I don't know if I told you this , but my brother is coming tomorrow . he will be staying with me for a week " He turns to my mother and her eyes widen .  
  


"That's great . I'm so excited to finally meet him "  
  


"He said the same thing about you " he takes another sip from his drink , eying me through the glass

 "He is single by the way , Jisoo , do you want me to arrange a meeting for you both ?"

I bite the inside of my cheek and move my gaze from the glass in my hand to him

 "No thank you. I'm good "

His head falls back as he laughs noticing my irritation

 "Do you have a boyfriend or something? Or a crush on some lucky guy ?"  
  


My patience is running thin .  
  


"No I don't . I just told you I'm busy " The tightness in my voice must have shown how angry I'm getting .

 My mom puts her drink down and looks back and forth between me and Wonho .

"Mmm.. That's a pity ...When was the last time you had a boyfriend? " He leans forward on the table "And second grade boyfriend doesn't count "  
  


"Well that's none of your business , is it ?" Even if my voice comes out calm , my tune is noticeably harsh .

 I'm surprised I'm not screaming at him by now.

"Jisoo " My mom hisses and glares at me sideways .  
  


He chuckles and leans back " That's fine . she is right , I don't have the right to ask you that . I'm sorry "  
  


My lips purse because I can see right through his act . the innocent one. while my mom is certain she is dating an angel .  
  


"Of course you have the right to "   
  


_What did she say ?_   
  


"Really ? As what ? " I snap angrily .  
  


"As the guy who is soon to be the husband of your mother " She says equally angry .  
  


_I think my mouth just reached the floor ._

 the kitchen falls silent and the breath knocks out of me .

The soon to be husband of your mother ?

 They are getting married ? Five months into their relationship ?  
  


"Are you insane ?" Are the words that come out of my mouth while still in shock .  
  


"We are engaged and we are getting married " She says it like it's nothing.  
  


I open my mouth to say something next but nothing comes out .

 I move my gaze to him and he is sitting relaxed watching us like he is watching a goddamn movie.

"You can't marry him " I say standing up shaking my head .

He follows suit with a frown .

"Yes I can and I will . I was not asking for your permission Jisoo! We love each other and We are getting married ! "  
  


"He doesn't love you mom !" I say harshly , pointing at him .  
  


"Yes he does ! " Her face turns red with anger .

 I shake my head again and my throat tightens , I don't don't whether it's from anger , shock or unexpected , unknown tears I'm fighting .

"No he doesn't ! he doesn't care about anyone expect himself , you can't expect him to love you Mom ! "  
  


She stares at me harshly "Are you jealous ? Is that it ?"  
  


I want to laugh but at this moment I will probably look like a crazy person but eventually that's what I will be turning into by the and of this nightmare .  
  


"Jealous of what ? Mom please , of your marriage with this ? " I motion to him

 "I don't want you to make this mistake you will surely regret after he leaves you for someone his age !"

she gasps and takes a step back "I married your father . what bigger mistake can I make ?! "  
  


"Don't bring him into this !" I scream and without realizing I'm standing in front of her breathing heavily .  
  


"You need to stop talking to her like that " Wonho speaks standing between us .  
  


"You need to stay out of this . This is between me and my mother " I warn him .  
  


"Do not speak to him like that , Jisoo -" She starts and I laugh at how ridiculous they are both being .  
  


"God - you know what ...you two are perfect for each other " My laughter dies down "Both selfish and ridiculous "  
  


"Jisoo go to your room "  
  


"No "  
  


"Just go to your room " My mom speaks more strictly this time .

The thing that she still fails to understand is that I'm not a child anymore .

"And I said no . you're not getting the easy way out mom , you're not going to send me off to my room just so you wouldn't have to deal with this . You chose to bring this up now then we will talk about it NOW "  
  


"Jisoo , you're really crossing the line here ! "  
  


"The only one crossing the line here is you mom , by bringing this guy into our home ! And I was okay with that but marriage ? I'm sorry but I won't let that happen . Not with me in the same house anyway "

 By the time I'm done talking , I'm out of breath , my voice cracked at every word and I'm emotionally exhausted .

"So what do you suggest then ? huh ? "  
  


"It's either me or him in this house " I finally manage to say the words after I collected them along with courage .  
  


My mother's eyes fly open , she stutters on some words I couldn't make out , she glances at Wonho then at me .  
  


"What ?"  
  


"You heard me . make your choice mom . me or him "

There .

I finally said it .

I wanted to know the answer to this question for a long time .

Call me childish , pathetic , extra ... I absolutely refuse to live with that man under the same roof . And under any circumstances am I ready to accept the idea of them getting married . I will never.

"You can not be serious " she scoffs in disbelief .

"Dead . So answer the question "

"You are just acting like a child now , Jisoo stop this , Wonho let's finish dinner . Sit down Jisoo , this conversation is over " she steps back and walks to the table.

"You always do this ! You are always running away from our arguments ! Not this time mom !"

"Jisoo I said sit down ! I will not be repeating again ! " Her voice gets louder as she slams the table with both her hands.

"No mom , you will not do this again "

She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes "why are you doing this ? Do you hate to see me happy ? "

 _Are you serious mom_ ?

Do I hate to see her happy ?

"The opposite . I don't want to watch you do something stupid " I tell her.

"Oh God Jisoo ! Can't you just drop this ?! It will happen honey, whether you like it or not so I would really appreciate it if you could just sit down and let us have dinner !" And the doorbell rings just as she speaks the last words .

Her head then snaps to the door before she pushes her hair sticking to her face from our screaming match .

 As for me my eyes are still glued to her , I have so many thoughts running through my mind ...So many things I want to tell her and she won't even listen , all she cares about is this damn dinner .

"Wonho can you get the door please ?" She asks her boyfriend and he goes to see who it is.

"Jinyoung ! Long time no see man "

My head turns sharply to the door . Jinyoung is here ? Why ? Now ?? Why ?? 

"Wonho. is Jisoo around ? "

_Holy shit ._

He really is here .

I blink a few times then Jinyoung makes an appearance at the kitchen door.

 He runs a hand through his hair in nervousness as he noticed the dinner table all fancy , getting the idea that something must be going on .

"I guess this is a bad timing ?" His voice is all sweat and awkward ...My anger is suddenly dissolving like sugar .

"The complete opposite actually , Jinyoung come in and join us " My mother says rather too happily .

His eyes land on my face and he frowns .

"Get him a plate Jisoo , Don't just stand there " my mother's words get me out of my trance and I move doing just what I was told rather slowly . Still under the effect of I and my mother's argument.

Jinyoung in the meanwhile walks to an umpty chair which happens to be the one next to mine , he sits down politely and thanks my mother .

I join them with a heavy heart .

"Are you okay ? " Are the first words he says to me the second I sit down.

"Yes? Why are you asking ?" I reply quietly ignoring the standing hair on my skin from his whispering inmmy ear with his voice. Who would have thought that only this man's voice has this much affect on me? 

_Don't use that tone with me boy._

"Have you been crying Jisoo ?" I look at him this time and his eyes show othing but deep concern, frowning as he stares directly into my brown orbs. 

_Don't look at me with those beautiful eyes of yours boy._

"No I haven't. Everything is alright" I try my best to sound as if I heven't been any better in my life. 

"So how is work going ? " My mom speaks breaking the small talk between me and Jinyoung as well as our eye contact. 

Jinyoung  cleares his throat and looks away from me.

"Good . Everything is going well , thank you for asking "

I focus on my food , praying this finishes as soon as possible . I can't let Jinyoung sit around those two . not a good idea .

"I heard your company's income is at the peak . You know how to run the business at such a young age " Wonho butts in .

Speaking about money . That's all he is interested in . Bastard .

"Uh ...Thank you , I guess you seem to follow our company very well " Jinyoung respondes making Wonho laugh shortly .

"Not following really but I am interested in our country's industry "

My ass .

"I bet you are " Jinyoung says nodding but glancing sideways in my direction.

"How much does a normal employee make a day at your company , Jinyoung ?"

_The nerve of this man !_

I clear my throat signaling him that he needs to shut up and not talk about things none of his buisness but he choses to pay me no attention and continues his serie of useless questions making Jinyoung and ME very uncomfortable . I could sense some embarrassment even in my mother who keeps shifting on her chair every now and then. 

"Can we change the subject honey ? Let's not speak of work all evening, Let's talk about something else instead" My mother interrupts her boyfriend mid sentence while he was still talking about Jinyoung and his family's money. 

"I'm sure Jinyoung has a lot to tell us about his buisness babe, I'm only curious about how he does it ? young and rich ...I mean really rich , I really want to know what it feels like to be him...I know girls are all around you huh Jinyoung and I bet you love it" 

My anger which has somehow melted from the fight earlier and was on the rise again since this moron started speaking and questioning Jinyoung, is now at the very peak of my fucking head and is about to expolde any minute now with the last sentence, especially. 

"Alright you need to stop now..." As I go to shout at Wonho, Jinyoung's hand flies to my arm and I realise I am standing up...I even sense smoke coming out of my ears. 

"Relax Jisoo, It's fine" He pushes me back down. 

"What has gotten into you young girl where are your manners?" My mother puts her glass.

Her boyfriend beside her smirks and I want nothing then to wipe that ugly smirk off of his ugly face.

"I was only making a conversation Jisoo, unlike you, I don't enjoy ruining everybody's dinner because I can't get out of my bad attitude" 

"Oh don't worry I will not ruin your dinner any longer ! " I stand up again after there was no sign of my mother having the intention of standing up for me. for the sake of my pride, infont of Jinyoung especially. 

"Where are you going ? sit back down that is very rude" She says.

"Me and Jinyoung have somewhere to be. Jinyoung come on" I say while walking to the door, not even bothering to get my jacket or my phone.   
  


I just want to get out of this place and save me some embarrassment.

I never wanted Jinyoung to meet any of them for a reason. Particularly that bastard Wonho.  
  


Can this night get any worse ?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 


	9. Chapter 9

Jisoo pov:  
  
  


"I really don't think you should be drinking this much"

"Really?"

"Yeah, it wouldn't be looking so pretty when I take you back home drunk out of your mind"

"Good because I won't be going home"

"Really ? You plan on sleeping out tonight ?"

"Yeah, under the moonlight and all that shit"

Jinyoung snickers beside me, humming he takes another swing from his beer.

"Come on, the evening was not that bad" He says and I can't hold my laughter.

_That's because you were not there from the beginning  of it._

"Yeah right... It was horrible"

"Though I have to admit, your mother sucks at cooking"

I nod repeatedly at that and he can't help but burst into laughter.

"She does . I admit. One hundred percent I agree...She sucks at cooking and at a lot of other stuff...Like cleaning and...Paying the bills is one of the things my mother sucks at...She can't even make good coffee, imagine !! " I halt and take a deep breath just to stop myself from choking on my stammerd words.

"Not as much as she sucks at being a mom though...There...she is just...she is the champion of bad moms...like if there was a competition where bad moms compete with each other to see who is the worst ...she would be the winner ...like she would get the prise of the shittiest mom to ever exist..."

I get thrown into a hard chest an I know it is Jinyoung's when his strong arms wrap around my mall body, His scent fills me calming me down.

My breath comes out short and rushed.

"shh...It's okay Jisoo, I get it." His voice speaks and it's all sweet and calm.

"Do you ?...You do?.." I stutter and my drunken state is to blame for all the blathering I'm doing and the weird sensation I'm feeling.

"Yes I do " His hands run through my hair and I want nothing but to cry and get it all out of my chest but I know I won't be able to do it...I was never the vanuarable one in our group, I always refused to be, I refuse to be the unfortunate and the weak one.

His hands on my hair, his warm chest where my head is pressed , the little comforting words leaving his mouth which he speaks so quietly...All of this is making me fall even more deeply in love with him...If it is even possible.

I'm too much of a coward to tell him how I feel, I know we have no chance ...I have no chance with him...If only I could speak those words...

I love you Jinyoung.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"What ?"

"What?" I ask him innocently.

"What did you say ? I couldn't here you because of the passing bike"

"I didn't say anything" I reply with a pounding heart .

He lifts an eyebrow, looking down to me with a weird expression.

"You didn't ?"

Holy shit .

Did I say that part out loud ?

The confession part ?

"Uh...oh...Yeah" I stutter like a fool looking everywhere but into his questioning eyes.

"I said something ...I did...I really wanna pee" _Really ?_

Really Jisoo ? that's the best thing you can think of ??

_I really wanna pee ?_

_Jesus._

Jinyoung's eyes widen as he tries to hide his amusement, obviously thinking I'm drunk out of my mind. I'm not _that_ drunk

I know I just made a fool out of myself.

"Yeah...I wanna pee ...like really bad ..."

_Oh my god ...Jisoo please shut up ._

"Okaaaay...Let's go then " He stands up and lifts me from both my arms attending me so I wouldn't fall from where we were sitting, a small store's rooftop.

_I'm a bag of embarrassment._

"Where to ?" 

Jinyoung breaths out and scratches the top of his head "Are you really going to make me say it Jisoo ...Get you home of course ...I don't want you to wet yourself...I mean if you find pleasure in that ...go for it" 

"Shut up" I stand up and start walking before him from shame. The bastard just snickers at my state and shakes his head.   
  
  
  
  


I can remember almost every little detail of last night. Evidence that I was not really that drunk.

I remember the end of my evening with Jinyoun. And the nonsense I kept saying...Especially the part where I made a complete idiot of myself.

Jinyoung ended up driving me home last night , though I kept telling him I wanted another beer and that I was just fine , I was not really in need to go to the bathroom but at that moment that was the only thing I could say to avoid what was about to happen .

I was going to mess everything up ...I couldn't control myself and without realizing , I was confessing my love to him.

Thinking about it now makes me hit myself in the face and winse right after ...Jisoo what a fool.

Drunk or not I can never imagine what would it have been like if I didn't cover it in place. The way he was looking at me and the way he kept insisting that I repeat what I had said , told me that he somehow heard what I said. I'm not sure but I have a feeling he heard it and just couldn't believe what I had said...

This incident made me feel even more burdened by my own feelings, Do I need to get rid of them? After so long ? Or should I then take my chances...Do I even have any? Is it possible that me and Jinyoung have a future together ?

Does he, maybe also have some hidden feelings for me ? Maybe.

Just maybe I'm not that misfortunate ? Jinyoung could be in love with me just as much as I am with him ...Damn my imagination for making me such a ridiculous helpless romantic.

Thank god no one can hear my pathetic thoughts.

"Jisoo I'm leaving " My mother's voice booms from outside my room where I'm still laying on my bed.

I don't bother answering her because she leaves me no time to, as she rushes out closing the door behind her.

We have this barbeque get together this afternoon ...

Great timing Yura.

This really wasn't the time to organize a get together for our group...It really isn't.

I'm feeling extra sensitive about the whole Jinyoung ordeal this whole past few days...And started acting like it around him as well... I keep stuttering , blushing, stumbling all around... Whether there were words or steps, I just keep messing up.

"If you're saying that just to get away from the barbeque, let me tell you it won't work"

I breath heavily into the speaker and sink into my bed even more if it was possible.

"I'm not...It's just ...I haven't gotten out of my bed at all this morning ...I think I still have that fever and ...Plus...My...uh"

"Stop trying to get out with excuses. There are none" Yura says sternly.

I kept trying to convince her I'm not feeling well after she called me to confirm our get together today.

Nothing is working and deep down I know nothing will.

"Jesus...Okay...I'm not going to bail this party, don't worry"

"Oh babe, I'm not, because I already sent someone to get you so lift your ass up from that bed and get ready" she says with a happy tune making me screech my eyebrows.

"You sent someone ? Who ? Please don't tell me that driver of yours ...what was his name again? " I groan loudly, not liking the idea of her grumpy driver coming to drive me anywhere.

"Hush...No it's not Mr Song...plus shame on you, the old man is actually really nice "

"Then who is it ?" I get really curious and a tad anxious.

"See you soon Jisoo " she ignores my question completely and finishes the call, leaving me questioning who this person might be .

Why the hell do I keep over thinking everything? It must be just another driver of her family.

I get ready in my blue jeans and floral cute pink top just in time when the door bell rings.

Running my hands through my hair quickly fixing it and flying to the door with my bag. I open it and my eyes almost drop to the ground.

"What are you doing here ?"

"Thank god you're ready"

Jinyoung smiles lightly, looking like an angel from heaven.

"You're...the one driving me?"

He nods.

Yura...you're dead.

"You didn't have to...I know Yura asked but you're not my driver...you keep driving me around...it's too much" I say in a small voice feeling...timid ?

The hell ?

I must be on my period...

"Please Jisoo, stop talking that nonsense of yours and let's get going before the meat runs out"

He pulls me by the hand and I follow him out after shutting the door.

The car ride is quiet. We speak only a few words...the air is a little strange and I pray last night has nothing to do with it.

"Why are you acting so awkward" his voice says

I glance at him and try to play it cool.

_His looks don't effect me ._

_His hair falling over his forehead is not distracting at all ._

_I'm fine ._

"Awkward? Me? Not at all " I laugh it off _awkwardly._

He laughs quietly to himself and shakes his head.

"Jisoo you really are something else"

We keep silent after that .

Him busy driving and me wondering what he meant by that ?

And more why am I so doubtful about everything that has to do with this guy beside me.

"And we're here "

He says and I look out.

Right he is, the place we usually have our barbeques in, is in view.

I open the car door and step out when from nowhere Yura jumps and hugs me.

"Hope the car ride to here was a pleasant one " She says sarcastically and I swear I could turn her into a shish kebab in this barbeque.

I glare at her and hug her back not holding on pinching her on the side .

"Let's start the fire !!" Sunghoon shouts and we all join him.

Me and Yura help the guys when they were responsible of the cooking.

We cut the bread and get out the plates and glasses and all stuff we need from the back of Sunghoon's van.

"Did you invite someone else Yura? A car stopped beside us "

My best friend's brother says and me and her turn to see a white car park beside Jinyoung's.

"No...Since when do I do that ?" She says looking puzzled more than me .

"I did "

"You what?"

We all look at Jinyoung weirdly.

"Who?" Yura ads after her brother and my eyes rank the woman who steps out gracefully from her car.

Jinyoung jogs to the woman wearing denim shorts and a blue shurt.

The woman smiles and wives at him.

Who in the hell ?

The two speak to each other shortly before the both march towards us.

"Guys...This is Hera, She's my date for today"

My face drops.

I fall silent.

"Hi...Nice to meet you all ...I'm really sorry if I'm intruding"

No one speaks.

"No...it's fine..." Sunghoon says after a while of shock.

"This is Sunghoon, my best friend, his sister Yura and this is Jisoo my friend"

Jinyoung introduces us to her and it takes everything from me to smile lightly at the woman 'Hera' when she looks at me and smiles.

I tried at least. As for Yura, her face is a stone and the expression of displease is clear as day.   
  
  


Stop glaring at the girl, you're going to loose an eye from staring too much .

I speak in a hushed tone to my best friend as we were preparing food for everyone.

Jinyoung and Sunghoon dropped  the job when this Hera girl arrived. Taking all their attention.

"Since when do we invite other people to our get togethers?? I don't get it ?? He kept doing it in college when we went out...And now why?? I thought he was not dating anymore ? " Yura angrily puts food in each plate.

"Why are you so angry ? "

"Why aren't you ??" She shouts making me silent her and look around, making sure no one heard.

I'm not angry ?

She's right I'm not .

I'm more hurt than angry .

It's even worse .

"Because I don't have the right to? I don't know Yura ..."

"Just...let's not pay her any mind"

"Say that for yourself, you're the one boiling " We pick up the plates and walk to the group sitting around a fire.

We hand one to each person and like the unlucky person I am .

I'm the one giving Jinyoung's date her share.

_But I would be a lying whore if I say she's not a goddess._

"Thank you ...Jisoo was it ?" she says and I nod in a small way.

"Yeah" I sound unfamiliar to myself as I speak .

"Mmm...This is really well cooked but you girls still can't beat my and Jinyoung's grilling" Sunghoon says having a taste of the grilled meat.

"You should have done it then..." Yura replys rather angrily.

"And leave the lovely Hera without my sense of humor? No way" He says and his sister scowls.

"Don't worry Sunhoon, Hera doesn't need you to keep herself entertained" Jinyoung then says leaving us to wonder why he said that and what he meant by it.

Not necessary.

Hera laughs and pulls her hair over her left shoulder. She keeps acting like this barbie kind of girl almost the whole evening.

Doing that so much that Jinyoung's eyes can't see anything but her. The whole evening and the start of the night when we gather listening to Sunghoon's singing and guitar playing .

And my eyes can't seem to notice anything but their small private talks with each other now and then, his hand sneaking into her hair to fix it when the wind blew.

That made me look away as I felt a sting in my heart.

Making it hard for me to breath and battle if I should jump to my feet and leave or jump on them and make a scene .

And I do none .

I just sit there and steel glances at them.

I feel like I'm in school days again.

And it breaks my heart .

_Jisoo you're still the friend and the hopeless one crucher ._

_The Poor heartbroken girl._


	10. Chapter 10

**Jisoo:**   
**=====**

"I have a feeling that I'm going to commit a murder tonight ...and...go to jail...look at me I wouldn't survive in jail"

I chuckle despite my heavy heart and how shitty I feel.

"What do you suggest I should do? Do it for you ?"

She snorts.

"Girl pleaaase...I'm the one doing it FOR YOU" she replies, putting pressure on the last words.

I put away the bottle of Soju from her hand , letting her know she's had enough to drink already and she just reaches to grab a new one.

"Stop drinking !" I half yell trying to be as quiet as possible.

"No ! Do something ! Go drag her by the hair and throw some punches ! Or even better tell that man you love him ! " Her face is all red now and her voice rises more than I would like .

I hurriedly cover her mouth and tell her to shut the hell up.

"Oh my god ! Yura are you crazy !?"

"Why are you doing this to yourself ? I'm not crazy. I'm just hurting because I can't keep watching you looking at them like this "

"Like what ? How am I looking at them ?!" I say with anger in my voice .

She sighs and puts down her bottle "Like you're about to cry...It's all over your face...you're breaking your own heart"

I have nothing to say to this.

Because she's right .

I do want to bowl my eyes out .

My heart has been breaking since I first admitted to myself my love For Jinyoung.

"Listen...you have nothing to loose ...Just go over there and-"

"No. Just stop Yura seriously...Stop, I'm never going to have the courage to tell him anything, you know why ? Because I'm too much of a coward"

Yura just watches me as I speak and angry tears fill my eyes.

"Guys why are you sitting so far from us ? Is everything okay ?"

I quickly turn my face away and wipe some stupid tears that escaped my eyes, afraid that Sunghoon who came towards us notices anything.

"Everything is great" I tell him and get up to start walking towards the trees.

"Where are you going ?" He asks from behind me

"I'm taking a small walk !" and without turning around I keep marching, I even pass the trees but still keep my feet moving.

I don't know how far I got from my friends but I know that it's far enough where I can't hear their voices anymore.

I stop telling myself I shouldn't get any further if I don't want to get lost.

I stand breathing in and out, the fresh air and focus my gaze on the beautiful view in front of me.   
Trees and a small lake.

_"Go tell that man you love him"_

I replay Yura's words in my head as my mind drifts to the two persons I came here because of.

_I'm too much of a coward_

I told her.

Not only that though...I am indeed a coward.

But also I am smart enough to not make that stupid mistake.

I snap my head to the side when I hear small noises...

I must be imagining things now...

I look back to the lake.

"You must be crazy to walk all the way here alone..."

I gasp and sharply turn around.

I put my hand over my chest and breath out when the one coming into view is non other than Jinyoung...

Should I be thankful because it's not a murderer coming to slit my throat or should I curse my bad luck that it's the person I dreed to see the most for the moment.

A little bit of both I guess...

"We watched so many movies together about girls who where stupid enough to go into the woods alone" He says with a smirk and gets closer to where I stand .

"What are you doing here ? Did you follow me here ?"

He snorts and it's so unlike him but I can tell from the hair sticking to his forehead and the way his eyes are half closed, the blush on his cheeks...he's definitely a little drunk.

"I came to have a smoke Jisoo"

I look away and try hiding my... disappointment ?

Why am I disappointed ? I'm supposed to be feeling annoyed that he came and invaded my privacy and my alone time that I needed.

Instead I find myself wishing he followed me...Because he somehow was worried something wrong would go down...

"Oh"

Is all I say.

"Yeah _oh_ "

He stands besides me now, gets a cigarette and lights it.

He takes a long drag and then sighs.

I watch him in the meanwhile .

How can a person be so beautiful while drunk and smoking?

How can a person be so breathtaking and cruel ?

"I can feel you gawking at me "

I look away.

"I was not gawking at you , I was looking at you...with disgust"

He laughs.

"You're upset with me "

He simply says as it's a fact, not a question.

Surprised with his words , I move my eyes to him again .

"No ...Why would I be upset with you ? "

He tosses the cigarette and turns his body completely towards me.

Liftting his hand he starts counting with his fingers.

"You sound upset, you look upset, your eyes are murderous and I keep getting this feeling that you won't hesitate to stick a knife in my heart"

I quietly shake my head with a small smile on my lips.

"I'm not upset...I don't know where you got such a feeling"

He shrugs and stands straight once again.

"Nothing else explains the way you're talking to me "

I mimick his action and shrug my shoulders too.

"Maybe you just look ugly to my eyes tonight " I tell him _jokingly_ of course and I get no reply from him , which makes me move my eyes to his expressionless face.

He keeps looking at me saying nothing and I can't help but  laugh.

"You can't take a joke when it comes to your face, can you ?"

"You know me well enough to know that's...one hundred percent true"

Another laugh escapes my lips and his break into a grin.

"Maybe it's the shirt...?"

"Not helping my ego Jisoo "

I giggle silently and for a few moments , I actually forget that a girl is already waiting for him and as soon as we go back to the group , I won't be noticed anymore.

"How can I with how big it is ? You have some huge ego and not for your own sake"

He laughs that charming laugh of his , covering his mouth with his hand like a prince , giving me all sorts of butterflies and mixed emotions there are.

"So you're not angry with me ?" He asks again with a serious look on his face this time .

"No. I mean do I have a reason to be ?" I do my best to turn the attention on him and make it less about me than possible.

"As far as I know , I didn't do anything wrong "

"You didn't"

_He didn't ._

The thing about love that I learned to understand these past years, is that you are free to love whom ever you want but so can they .

Not because a person doesn't share the same feelings as you, means they are doing something wrong...Or that they are bad.

It just means you're not meant to be and ...that's it .

It's not meant to be and you got nothing to do about it. Moving on.

 _Hypocrite_.

As if that's what I did all these years and that's what I'm planing to do .

"Alright then...Can I ask you something ?" He stands in front of me again.

I gulp "What?"

"What do you think of her ?"

"Of who?" I stupidly ask as if I don't already know who he is referring to.

"Hera of course,who else?" He holds a serious look on his face and his eyes are all curious and questioning.

"Why are you asking me ?"

True.

He never , not even once asked for my opinion on any of his past girlfriends.

In fact Jinyoung doesn't care about anybody's opinion on what he does...or who he does.

So quit surprised, my eyebrows rise and my heartbeat speeds because I know all to well I can't give my honest respond to that.

"I want to know what do you think of her that's all"

"Since when do you ask ME about the girls you are with?"

"I'm not with her...Yet..." He starts saying and I cut him off annoyed.

"I don't care...you don't have to tell me anything Jinyoung" My voice sounds actually angry and that's a surprise not only to Jinyoung but to my own self as well .

"Plus it's not like my opinion actually matters to you...Whether I like her or not " I continue with a slightly high tone.

Jinyoung silently just watches me with surprise.

After a few seconds he opens his mouth.

"Okay. You really need to tell me what I did wrong that made you this angry with me...And don't tell me you're not..."

"I'm not ! "

He grabs my wrist and pulls me when I step back away from him.   
"Did I say something to upset you ? Did I DO something to upset you ?"

His voice is high at this point and traces of flusturation appeared on his features.

"No. You didn't ... let go of me " I snap and free my hand from his strong grip.

I'm not even drunk and I'm acting like this .

Never did I react so terribly when Jinyoung brings someone with him or when he spends his time with girls.

Also because Jinyoung never asked me such a question.

I never felt so horrible before ...

"You're acting like this for a reason unknown to me and it's bothering me!"

At this point I want to explode because he keeps pushing and pushing and I can feel I'm about to do the wrong thing .

"For a reason unknown to you ?! Really ?!" My eyes are about to bolt out while I say.

"Yes ! I don't understand ...I just came to talk to you ...I saw you walk away alone and I couldn't let you do that ! I followed you "

He stops and breaths deeply , he runs a hand through his hair like he usually does and then runs both over his face.

I don't have the right to act like this .

I know that .

It's out of my control for the moment.

And I'm letting it because I don't care anymore...I think.

I have no idea why but tonight by bringing Hera here ...It just made me more sure than ever .

He will never be mine .

And I love him so much that every piece of me is screaming at the thought .

"Let's just drop it "

He says after a while , he moves away and focuses his gaze everywhere but on me .

"You're right. Your opinion doesn't really matter...If I want to be with Hera or not , regardless of your opinion on her , I would do what suits me "

His voice now is more scary than when he was screaming .

Calm but full of annoyance ...boredom.

"My bad , I wanted to know what you thought , I won't bother to do that anymore Jisoo . I apologize "

I close my eyes tightly , pain shoots through my chest , not because he said my opinion doesn't matter but because I know I'm the one in the wrong.

If he doesn't feel the same way ...It's my own problem not his .

"Jinyou-" I start off but Jinyoung walks back to our friends and only his perfume remains where he stood .

"Let's go back , they must be getting worried " He says while walking , not even waiting for me but making sure I heard him and that I'm right behind him as he looks back at me from time to time until we reach the others .

I probably look like a fool now .

Getting upset over nothing...

Nothing because he doesn't know that by bringing her tonight. He crushed my soul...If I have some remained that is .

"There you are ...Took you some time , we-" Sunghoon says as soon as we come back to everyone.

"Sunghoon, Me and Hera are leaving first , You guys can stay if you want, but we're leaving " Jinyoung doesn't waste a second to make this announcement.

My eyes snap up from the floor to him.

"Where ? We were about to have a round of soju shots "

Jinyoung shakes his head and puts on his jacket laying on a bench.

"I've already had enough to drink and me and Hera have somewhere else to be so..."

He says not once looking at me , only at his friend .

Yura comes and stands besides me , putting her arm around me .

"What happened ? Where you guys in a fight ?" She asks to which I only shake my head.

"Oh. Alright got you " Sunghoon gives Jinyoung a half hug and nobody misses the way he whispers in his ear while smirking .

Jinyoung gives him a small punch in the stomach and shakes his head with a half smile .

Hera stands and only waves at all of us , saying how a pleasure it was to meet us all.

She even has good manners...

"We hope to see you again Hera"

Turning around while walking to his care , Jinyoung holds a smirk and looks at his friend .

"Oh don't worry , you will "

Before he disappears into his care and drives off after Hera gets in .

I stand still ...even after his car is no more into view ...after Sunghoon leaves to grab himself another drink .

I keep standing until Yura calls my name softly.

"What happend ?"

"I don't know "

Is all I say before I sit and put my head between my hands .

I'm tired and so done with everything .   
  
  
  
  


 


	11. Chapter 11

**Jisoo's POV:**   
**==========**

_He takes a step back , as if he stumbles , his eyes double in their small size , his mouth a jar and there is nothing I want more than to take those words back ._

_If only I could turn back time ..._

_But it's too late and I said what I said ._

_"Say something ..."_

_I speak in a whisper after what felt like hours of his silence._

_I'm not really sure what I want to hear him say ._

_But anything would be better than his quiet , shocked and utterly confused state ._

_"What ...do you want me to...say" He finally speaks , rather breaths, because it's barely audible , I would have misses it if I wasn't so desperate to know..._

_If by any chance ...Jinyoung could accept my feelings._

_"I don't know ...what to say ...Jisoo ...I really-"_

_"Do you love me ?" I ask him in a moment of deep despair._

_I need to know . I can't wait any longer , even if I sound weak and pathetic ..._

_His eyes blink several times before he opens his mouth again._   
_"You can't ask someone if they love you when you've just droped this confession thing on them so suddenly ...What is wrong with you ?"_

_With His eyebrows frowning , he looks away from my face and mine drops ._

_I look down , feeling like I have just been stept on ._

_"Why ? Because I take care of you and care about your well being ? I do that with everyone I'm close to...Doesn't mean I have feelings for them ! So no , Jisoo , I don't "_

_Not only I'm feeling stept on now...But completely..._

_"Okay..."_

_Is all I say , holding my tears , my voice shakes and oh how I wish the floor could swallow me_ _whole._

I wake up sweating ...

"Hummm..." Yura moans in her sleeping state when I push her off of me with little force .

That's the part I hate when I share the bed with her .

She always , somehow , ends up on top of me and that's the reason I wake up covered in sweat.

"What time is it ?" Her goergy voice speaks.

I tell her it's past 10 am and curse at myself in the way .

"So...? Just come back and sleep some more ...It's still early "

I horridly lift myself from the bed and run to the bathroom to take a quick shower.

"I'm really late for work ....Crap " Breathless, I say when I get back to my room after I'm done showering.

Picking what ever I find from my closet , I put them on , not even checking If anything matches.

Grabbing all my stuff and bag, I don't waste another second and I'm already outside the cold weather , on my way to work .

_Boss , please don't be too harsh on me ...I've had a rough night ..._

"You have no idea how lucky you are today !"

Is what my colleague Mina says when I take my place behind the counters.

"What do you mean ? I'm 2 hours late , I'm already close to being fired many times before ...I'm sure this time is it "

I take deep breathes between each word I speak .

Running had me loosing all airs .

Mina smiles at me , handing me a small glass of water which I gratefully take .

"Today is your lucky day , Jisoo , Boss hasn't arrived yet " She tells me with a smile .

"He hasn't ?" My eyebrows frown and I immediately feel relieved .

Mina shakes her head , still with that smile on her face .

_Thank god ._

_Was not looking forward to any scolding._

Not after last night...

I barely had any sleep , I kept thinking and imagining ...

It didn't help with anything that I have a big imagination .

Only thinking what Jinyoung would be doing while I was crying on Yura's shoulder while drunk , thanks to the manh drinks Sunghoon had , he was comepletly unconscious , he couldn't understand anything.

I was two seconds away from calling him .

Tell him , _Jinyoung come back ..._

_Don't stay with her tonight ..._

I eventually just ended up on my bed...crying more until my eyes swelled.

I went to sleep after I cried my heart out , thank god Yura was there to listen...Once again.

"I really think you should go and wash your face...you're about to fall asleep "

I shake my head, trying to convince her for the millionth time that I am absolutely fine .

"Your eyes are only half opened, this is the second drink you've over poured. Go wash your face Jisoo"

I finally give in and walk to the bathroom , turning on the faucet, I take a look at myself in the mirror .

My eyes don't look so horrible .

No one will guess that I spent last night bowling...

"Hello?" I say into my ringing phone .

_"Are you done working ? We're meeting for lunch , do you want me to pick you up ?"_

Seriously?

Why does he think I'm going to agree that he comes picking me up , after I embarrassed myself and went off on him last night for no obvious reason...to him.

"No. I still have an hour till my shift ends..." I reply in such a small voice.

"Okay. See you in an hour then"

And just like that , he ends the call .

Not even waiting for my respond.

I was going to refuse the offer, tell him I will not have lunch with them and hell no , I don't want him to pick me up .

How will I be able to face him ?

I sigh deeply before going back to work .

True to his words , Jinyoung sits in his car , waiting for me when I leave the shop.

With shaking hands and legs , I walk to the car , open the door and get in .

His scent of course welcomes me.   
He turns to look at me and I can't even return the eye contact .

I drop my gaze and say a small "Hello"

"Hi . Jisoo , how are you ?" He asks with a smile , which leaves me confused .

This is the same guy who hang up on me earlier .

The same one who I spoke to badly last night ...

He's not upset anymore ?

He doesn't look or sound upset .

"Fine and you ?" This time I lift my eyes to look at his handsome features and neat figure .

"Good " He fixes his eyes on the road and starts the car right after.

"Where are we going ?"

"We're meeting up for lunch, I told you "

"I know , but where ? "

"A restaurant "

I roll my eyes getting annoyed with him.

"Really ? I didn't know people go to a place like that to get food , thanks for the info "

"sarcasm doesn't suit you , Jisoo"

"Neither does being annoying suit you , Jinyoung "

 _Actually ,_ everything he seems to do is getting on my last nerve .

Even when he laughs softly...

"Still haven't calmed down I see "

He says still laughing lightly.

"From what ? I have no idea what you're talking about "

I gaze out of the window when I feel his eyes on me.

"Sure you don't..."

He, then continues driving silently , only stealing looks at me and laughing quietly.

Making me bite my bottom lip to prevent myself from turning to him and just...scream at him.

I'm so mad...Jinyoung why am I so mad at you ?

Or maybe I'm mad at myself and only getting it out on him.

Because I rather blame him on my pathetic situation than blame myself.

But even when he tries to act as if nothing happened last night , came and picked me , keeps smiling ...

It drives my nerves to crack...

"We're having lunch at our usual place Jisoo" He finally says

_Huh_

_Couldn't you tell me that earlier..._

"I love driving you crazy...It's entertaining "

I snap my head his direction with my eyes squirting.

"I don't see where is the entertainment in that but that's good to know , now all I have to do is ignore your existence."

I shrug my shoulders speaking with confidence. 

_As if I can do that ..._

He copies my action and smirks lightly.

"If you can do that..."

"Excuse me ?" my voice holds the surprise I feel. 

"You can't ignore me Jisoo , we both know that, I always fins ways to get to you "

He speaks with the same smirk and I just keep staring at him .

"That's why I said annoying you is entertaining "

He finishes as he pulls in front of the same restaurant our group goes to regularly.

Giving me no chance to reply , not that I have one anyway.

He pulls out the car keys and gets out.

I do the same and we walk together inside the restaurant .

_Maybe he knows about my feelings for him ?_

He scents something ?

I wouldn't be surprised especially after the way I acted yesterday.

If he didn't have any idea before...

Now he could be aware of something because I'm such a sensitive trash. 

Oh my god...I'm over. 

"Can you order already ? You've spent the last 15 minutes staring at that menu "

I get shaken up by Yura besides me and end up ordering a plate of creamy pasta .

Jinyoung got the same and both Yura and her brother got something I can't even pronounce with how weird it sounds ...Rich food.

"I planned a night for us , guys "

Jinyoung says as we start eating. 

"My friend just opened his new club and has invited me to the party he's throwing tonight , because I'm the one investing in the project...I can bring whom ever I want , so you guys are definitely coming with me "

Sunghoon and Yura agree immediately.

Jinyoung glances at me.

"Jisoo?" Sunghoon asks.

"She doesn't have to if she doesn't want to come" Jinyoung simply says while looking down at his plate and eating .

_Ouch._

He said it like I don't matter , I go or not ...It's the same.

"No, I will come "

I don't know where I got the confidence from but I speak with a steady voice despite how offended I feel. 

 _Why are you doing this Jinyoung_?

From hanging up on me and being nice right after , then being an ass and trying to annoy me .

And now making me feel like a plus one. 

Where is he going with this ?

After lunch , I ride with Yura to her house .

She insisted to get ready together and like I has no energy or was in a any mood to argue .

I agreed. 

I stay silent the whole way there.    
Yura doesn't say a word to me either...

She knows how bad I feel.  

We get dressed pretty quickly, unusual for us, Yura takes hours and hours only to choose what she wears , whenever we go out.

And she takes a couple more hours being a judge on what I choose to wear.

This time, she is very pleased with my simple gold , knee length dress, matching gold pumps and very happy with my dark make up and wavy locks .

She stands smiling in her black little dress and red heels .

Her make up is almost similar to mine. 

"We actually look perfect "

I roll my eyes and smile afterwards when she twirls and makes me do the same .

She, of course takes a million selfie and even starts a photoshoot for me.

"Enough , Yura, you took too many pictures already "

She pouts.

A couple of seconds later, Sunghoon comes knocking at the door , letting us know that we need to get going.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The club is not that far, only a half hour drive from Yura's house .

We arrive at the place which was crowded with all kinds of people.    
All dresses fancy enough to party.

Me , Yura and her brother rode together so we were waiting for Jinyoung in front of the club.

A couple of minutes later, his car showes.

He gets out wearing a king blue suit.

Not too formal kind of suit .

His hair was down.

And then, Hera follows him and opens the car door, she gets out and the wind blows her hair, making her look like she's filming a drama or a CF.

Her white one piece makes her look like a supermodel.

_Why am I here ?_

She smiles once she sees us and both her and Jinyoung walk towards us.

"Hey guys" Jinyoung greets us.

"You should have told me Hera is coming with, dude "

Sunghoon whispers, thinking no one hears him.

Jinyoung only smiles.

The girl laughs lightly.

She waves in a small manner and I can't be anymore disgusted with everything.   
  
  
  
  


"Wow, slow down tiger , this is your third one already in less than thirty minutes "

Yura takes the small glass from my hand and I only glare at her.

"This party sucks "

"We only just got here, Jisoo"

"It already sucks "

I say stealing more glances at the _love birds_ sitting a couple of meters away from us.

"Avoid looking at them "

"You think I can do that ? Look how she's basically sitting on his lap...Can they get anymore disgusting like seriously ?" I angrily speak.

Yura glances at them and breaths out rolling her eyes.

She too, can't stand the situation.

Because of me .

Sunghoon was out of view the moment we got inside the club.

He probably is having the time of his life...

Another half hour passes before the two join us along with Sunghoon who comes with drinks for each one of us.

"This is a nice place Jinyoung , I mean investigating here is such a good idea " Hera says over the loud music.

Jinyoung smiles big as he sips from his drink .

_Good. Give his ego a big boost, he really needs_ _it_ _..._

"I was the one choosing the club's decoration, everything you see here is my vision" He tells her proudly .

Impressed , she looks around telling him how great everything looks .

"I'm proud of you dude" Sunghoon gives him a tap in the shoulder and Yura smiles also impressed .

Even how mad I feel , I can't help but be proud and happy for him.

I smile and he smiles back at me when we meet eyes .

For the first time tonight .

"Do you like the party Jisoo? " He asks me and taken by surprise I only nod and look away .

Awkward...

"Although I haven't seen you dance once, Jisoo are you sure you're enjoying yourself ?"

Her voice holds nothing but sincere curiosity.

I look at Hera with a bitter expression.

"That's because Jisoo is not the party type. Right Jisoo? She rather stay home then come party with us"

Just when I go to answer her, Jinyoung does it in my place.

Not giving the respond I would like .

"Really ? And you guys are close friends even with the personality difference ?"

"Surprising right ? But I promise she's not that boring if you get to know her "

He smirks , looking directly at me .

Waiting to see my reaction.

My lips part slightly but no words get out .

Yura and Sunghoon look surprised too...

Never have I been spoken about like that by Jinyoung.

_Boring ?_

_Not that boring ?_

"I'm sure she's not " Hera says after the awkward silence .

"Not that boring ? What does that suppose to mean ? "

The words escape my mouth.

"That you can be fun sometimes Jisoo, your prude personality of highschool is slowly turning to something better"

_That's it !_

_I can't sit and listen to him anymore !_

"Well I'm glade to know that I'm finally suiting your taste Jinyoung, that's exactly what I was trying so hard to do" I snap at him and stand up.

I waste no time as I fast walk in the direction of the batheoom.

I only follow my instinct on where it might be.

Lucky for me , I find it quickly .

I shut the door behind me with force and walk to the sink .

"I will not cry...I will not cry"

I keep telling myself and when Yura knocks asking me to let her in and just send her off, telling her that I am fine .

I'm not .

Jinyoung has the habits of annoying me but only when wants to joke.

Today he humiliated me...

He never once judged me or anything I do .

Tonight , he criticized my personality.

in front of a stranger.

She may not be for him. But for me she is ...

I take some time to breath in and out , talking myself out of the bathroom.

_I will have to get out eventually ._

When I open the door with heavy heart , Jinyoung stands making me jump slightly .

"What's wrong with you ?"

_Is this guy serious ?_

What's wrong with me ? Really ?

"Nothing . move " I don't even look at him as I try to move him away.

He pushes me back inside the bathroom and gets in closing the door behind him .

My heartbeat quickens.

_I don't like where this is going ..._

"No ! Jisoo , we're going to talk, do you have something to tell me?" His face is serious and his eyes are wide open .

Why is he doing this ?

"What do you want Jinyoung ? I don't understand ! Do YOU have something against ? You keep playing cat and mouse with me the whole day ! You're being such an ass to me ! I'm not used to this! You never treated me like this ! "

"Only because you went crazy on me yesterday ! For no reason ! You know I hate shit like that ! "

He screams , anger all in his face .

"Oh get over yourself ! I told you I was not mad at you yesterday ! Can't you just forget it ! You tell me why you kept treating me badly today ! Not that boring ? Prude highschool personality ? Really ??! Since when do you speak to me like that and especially in front of strangers "

My voice cracks .

"Hera is not a stranger , she's my girlfriend, Jisoo-" He starts off but the new information catches me off of garde that I can't listen any further .

"Jinyoung , Shut up and get out ! I don't want to hear it ! Seriously"

My voice is loud and it crackes again .

"Why did you get mad last night? Why are you being so sensitive about everything ?! And why where you crying after I left yesterday ?! "

"Who said I cried yesterday ?"

"I forgot my phone and came back...I saw you Jisoo"

His voice is much calmer this time.

My brain freezes and I'm at a lost of words. 

I stay silent .

He keeps looking at me , waiting , I only stand still not saying a word .

"Goddammit Jisoo ! Speak!"   
  
  
  
  
  


"I love you !" _There._

I said it .

I have nothing to loose anymore .   
Because I know by saying that .

I lost Jinyoung.

He takes a step back , as if he stumbles , his eyes double in their small size , his mouth a jar and there is nothing I want more than to take those words back .

If only I could turn back time ...

But it's too late and I said what I said .

"Say something ..."

I speak in a whisper after what feels like hours of his silence.

I'm not really sure what I want to hear him say .

But anything would be better than his quiet , shocked and utterly confused state .

"What ...do you want me to...say" He finally speaks , rather breaths, because it's barely audible , I would have misses it if I wasn't so desperate to know...

If by any chance ...Jinyoung could accept my feelings.

"I don't know ...what to say ...Jisoo ...I really-"

"Do you love me ?" I ask him in a moment of deep despair.

I need to know . I can't wait any longer , even if I sound weak and pathetic ...

His eyes blink several times before he opens his mouth again.   
"You can't ask someone if they love you when you've just droped this confession thing on them so suddenly ...What is wrong with you ?"

With His eyebrows frowning , he looks away from my face and mine drops .

I look down , feeling like I have just been stept on .

"Why ? Because I take care of you and care about your well being ? I do that with everyone I'm close to...Doesn't mean I have feelings for them ! So no , Jisoo , I don't "

Not only I'm feeling stept on now...But completely...

"Okay..."

Is all I say , holding my tears , my voice shakes and oh how I wish the floor could swallow me whole.

"Since when ?"

"Does it matter ?"

"Yes . it does "

I still don't look at him , too afraid of the look on his face .

"Since our first highschool year together"

"Goddammit"

Tears run down my cheeks .

I can't hold them as I barely hold myself on my shaking legs.

"I'm sorry Jisoo...I-"

I snap my eyes to him .

"What are you apologizing for? You don't have to be sorry because you don't feel the same way...that's my own problem Jinyoung" I state with a hard voice.

I don't want his apology .

Everything but that .

"Still...I feel like I was the one giving you wrong ideas and I really feel guilty about it -" He says in a guilty soft voice .

"No. It's not your fault. I don't want you to apologize for anything ...It's my own issue and I will deal with it "

He sighs and I close my eyes.

He slowly turns around and leaves the bathroom like a ghost of wind .

Right in time when I burst into tears from both shame and extreme heartbreak .

Rejection is a bitch .


	12. Chapter 12

**Jisoo's pov:**

**==============**

It's been a week of pure regret.

The events of what happened  last week hunt me on a daily basis.  
  


I put myself in this situation. But the outcome is nothing like I imagined. I thought he would feel the same way about me. At least I thought he liked me not as much as love me. But how wrong was I.  
  


I took a leap I couldn't make.   
  


I confessed my feelings that were bottled up for years and got nothing back.  
  


What was I thinking? Why am I so stupid.   
  


Just remembering everything makes me feel like I'm going through a severe anxiety attack...or is it just me chocking on my breath to prevent myself from crying again.

The image of his face never leaves my mind.  
  


Not for a split second during the day and definitely not during the night.  
  


What were dreams of how it would be when someday i tell Jinyoung how I feel, now turned into nightmares...

the outcome of the events when I blurted out the words is that Jinyoung and I don't speak to each other anymore, and when we do it would be an awkward _"Hello"_  and _"Hi"_ to which we would both reply in a word ot two. 

We barely even make eye contact and when we do, he would avert his gaze elsewhere in a lightning's speed.   
  


Because of these awkward "interactions" I now avoid meeting with Yura and Sunghoon whether it was for lunch or coffee or anything for that matter...  
  


I never would have imagined the first guy whom I speak my feelings to would react like Jinyoung did, and it makes my heart ache and makes me want to light myself on fire just so I wouldn't have to face him again.

Two or three days after that night, Jinyoung and I run into each other accidentally at Yura's shop, he didn't even say a word to me and was about to leave the place when I stopped him, His name having left my mouth without me realizing...I guess I was so tired of us ignoring each other and also because I wanted to hear more from him. I was not convinced about his answer. 

I refused to accept his answer. 

So I stopped him from leaving and breathed very deeply before speaking _"Jinyoung are you free to talk ? "_  

my voice was nearly silent and for a few moments when Jinyoung didn't react I was afraid he didn't hear me. As soon as I breathed in again to repeat myself, he spoke a simple, short word.  
  


_"No"_   
  


He didn't even turn to glance at me, giving me only his back, he continued his way out of the shop without another word.  
  


Words that had been on my mind all these years but gave no importance to then, now had gained their meaning and where stronger than ever.  
  


_Jinyoung doesn't care about you and he never will._   
  


Have those words been confirmed now that Jinyoung said he doesn't love me back ?   
  


I bite my lip thinking about this, even after all these days of me trying to ignore them but they always creep back inside my head.  
  


"Dinner is ready Jisoo" My mom pops her head from the doorway.

I only shake my head from where I'm seated on my bed.

"You've barely eaten in days, Jisoo, don't tell me you're not hungry I know that's a lie" She crosses her arms over her chest.

 _Oh._ One thing I forgot to tell you is that in the occuring days, my mother is being really caring of me ? asking me what is going on with me and calling me to eat, she went to even bringing me food to my room the other day.

Talking about a surprise.

"My appetite has been gone" I say playing with my fingers in my lap.

Thinking my mother left when I hear the door close, I sigh and close my eyes but I hear footsteps coming in my direction and then feel the bed dip as she sits besides me on it.  
  


"Is it Jinyoung?" _am I that much of an open book ?_

"Wha- What gave you the idea...?" My eyes feel heavy with tears I don't even realize were building until my eyes start burning.   
  


This is the first time since that day...  
  


"Let me see..." She frownes her eyebrows as if she's thinking hard "You spend the whole day in bed unless you go to work and get right back home, you don't go out with your friends anymore, you don't even answer your friends's calls and usually when you isolate yourself like this, Jinyoung showes up and he hasn't so I'm guessing something happend between you two" My eyes widen at the detailes she has been paying attention to before a laugh escapes my lips and making me feel like it has been ages since I did "I would ask you what happened again but I know I won't be getting any answer, not the honest one at least so I will just tell you that everything will be fine and such problems between friends or couples or... whatever you two are, happen and eventually you will get past it" She gives my hands an awkward pat and gets up leaving the room.

 _After what I did and said the other day, I'm not sure Jinyoung and I are even friends anymore._ I want to tell her after recovering from her surprising attitude.  
  


Things have been pretty much the same even after not one but TWO weeks having gone...

Nothing changed and honestly I'm loosing hope that anything will, I wake up and go to work then come back home and spend the whole day laying on my bed, expect now I accept Yura's calls from time to time and speak to her for a few minutes before finding an excuse to end the call and go back to overthinking about everything and nothing at the same time.

Jinyoung being the center of these messy thoughts.

My job, my mother having gone back to ignoring the fact that she has a daughter...

My father...

My future...

What do I have for myself ? Nothing. I work at a damn coffee shop at the age of 26, I have no house of my own, no car, no money saved...

I have no future and this is not how I had hoped my life would turn out to be.   
  
  


"Knock, knock" Yura's voice cooes from the doorway making me frown slightly "I brought food" 

I sit up on the bed and face her as she gets inside my room with two Pizza boxes, she sits besides me and looks at me deeply.

"You look like you just got back from hell" She says making me smile slightly "I missed you so much you little...come here" She then attacks me in a bear hug, a comforting one too.

"Missed you too" I say with a muffled voice being pressed to her chest.

"How could you do this?? I was worried sick about you and I had the right to, because look at you ! You really look bad Jisoo" She says with a sterne voice sounding more than concerned.

"Gee thanks..." I try to joke rolling my eyes. She doesn't buy it and continues looking at me with a much bigger concern.

"Stop looking at me like I'm a dying person Yura, for god's sake" 

She shakes her head as if she was snapping herself out of it and sets the Pizza boxes between us, she opens them and grins "Because there is nothing Pizza can't fix, I, being the bestest of friends ever, bought it from our favorite place and you, my dear Jisoo, are going to take the first bite so go ahead because I'm starving" 

She says enthusiastically watching me pick a slice and take the first bite from it, and in less than twenty minutes we were both laying on our backs with our stomachs full. Me having not eaten so much in so long, am in extra pain but the spirit lift was worth it...I actually feel better.

"So...What exactly happend Jisoo?" Yura asks and my better mood vanishes.

A small lump forms in my throat  because I know it's time thae I finally speak about it with someone, not just anyone one but this is Yura, my best friend and she needs to know how and what exactly went down. 

"I said something I shouldn't have" I swollow the lump and avoid meeting her eyes.

"Don't say that...how could you have known? Everybody thought the same thing as you seeing the way he treats you" Yura couldn't finish her words before I interrupt her.

"Treated me, because he hasn't been treating me that well in the last period, even before I stupidly told him I loved him" My voice is hard as I try my best not to cry remembering the fight on the barbecue night and the ones after it.

"Don't be too hard on yourself Jisoo, I don't know how you must be feeling right now, I can't lie to you and say I do but I'm also very sure that you will get past this...Maybe it is finally the time for you to look after yourself instead on giving all your attention to Jinyoung, no offence"

"Huh, that is not what you were encouraging me to do before, Yura, if I rememmber correctly, it was quite the inverse, you were telling me to go for it, _tell him Jisoo! you have nothing to loose, maybe he feels the same way about you?_ " My anger gets the best of me and words I wanted to say these past few days when I was dealing with everything alone, are getting out like bullets.

She sits up and looks at me with much surprise "Well I'm sorry that I was trying to give you some advises that I thought were of a good help, Jisoo, I would have never told you to do such a thing if I had know this will be the outcome of it" Guilt takes over me now that she said that with hurt in her voice and I sigh deeply.

"I'm sorry, okay? these past days were hell for me and with you bringing everything on the table is not helping, I need a break" 

"Fifteen days is not enough of a break for you? you've been avoiding us for too long Jisoo, untill when do you think you can run away from us ? from him ? you know that eventually you will have to see him again, don't you think you should grow some balls and come to lunch with us tomorrow? "

I violently shake my head "Absolutly fucking not" 

_Cursing huh, Jisoo , I'm getting bad._

"It's Sunghoon's birthday" 

I pause for a second before slapping myself in the forehead "Tell me you're kidding and that I didn't forget it" 

"unfortunately I can not say that" 

I curse at myself and my bad luck.

After that Yura keeps telling me about everything that I missed over the last days and everything she has planned for her brother's party tomorrow night, basically forcing me into lunch and the birthday surprise, to which I end up accepting after she nearly begged.

_We will see how everything goes._   
  
  
  


Next morning, I wake up with a terrible headach from all the talking Yura did last night, her having done all the talking, I'm sure she won't be complaining about a thing.

I take a shower and get dressed with a pounding heart, dreeding lunch and everything coming with it. 

I leave to work after taking my usual cup of coffee and all I keep thinking about during work is seeing Jinyoung again and possibly talking to him again...

I could die...If only something bad would happen to me so that I wouldn't be obliged to go to lunch with them...I actually wish hell upon myself right now. 

Time to get off work comes earlier that unsual, or maybe because I have been praying god doesn't let me live another second than getting a taxi and telling him the adress of the place we're meeting at...which is exactly what I'm doing right now. 

_God help me._

The drive is short and my breath is as short as the ten minutes I spend looking out the car with pounding heart untill it stops in front of the cozy looking restaurant.

I step out after paying the taxi driver and start walking towards the place.

"There she is...Jisoo!" I hear Yura's voice over the loud noises of the taping plates and conversing people.

I take a deep breath and walk in her direction, Sunghoon sits besides her and just besides Sunghoon sits Jinyoung...

He looks just about the same as he always looked...Neat, calm and beautiful.

I avoid looking at him when I feel his eyes setting on me as I stand in front of them.

"Hi everyone" I greet in a small voice and a big fake smile.

I'm shaking on the inside.   
  


Saying Jinyoung and I are not obvious about our current situation, is a complete lie.

Not a word has been exchanged between us, not even a glance at each other's direction and thankfully neither Sunghoon nor Yura try to aknowledge that.

"Excuse me guys, I need to take this" Sunghoon pushes his chair and gets up, leaving the table after he receives a call. 

I focus on Yura and what she has been talking about while Jinyoung focuses on his glass of wine not saying a word durning the whole dinner. 

"Where are you going ?" I push Yura down when she goes to stand.

"To the bathroom Jisoo, I will be back in a second" She tells me getting back up.

I couldn't even tell her anything else or try to argue with her because Jinyoung lifts his eyes result of my small action of panick. 

He looks between me and Yura and eventually sets his eyes on me when Yura leaves us alone.  
  


_Shit. This can not be happening._   
  


The silence is awkward as ever but I'm almost used to it because this is how we are acting whenever we meet, which we haven't for a while, I'm split between wanting to bring it up and apologize or leaving it to prevent Jinyoung from acting even weirder around me.  
  


_Okay Jisoo, this is your chance to stand up and be a woman about it !_   
  


"Jinyoung I-"

"How's the food?" Great. Interrupted. 

I guess he smelled the rat.

But at least he's trying to open a conversation with me.

I only nod my head like a dumbass.

"Good" He simply says averting his gaze around the restaurant.

"You...suggested this place?" I ask in a small voice. _High five Jisoo !_

 "Yeah...um...this is one of Sunghoon's favorite places" 

I nod saying nothing else, letting the familiar silence take everything around us.

I want this to go away, the me and Jinyoung not talking thing...

But everytime I collect some courage to speak, a voice inside me tells me not to open my mouth and I oblige in a heartbeat. 

"Jinyoung I don't want to fight anymore" My words are spoken so fast I'm not sure Jinyoung understood anything but I'm not going to let the chance of us finally being alone and not speaking my mind after the tragic night and the attempt at Yura's shop the other day.

"We're not fighting" His voice is slightly strained.

What does he mean we're not fighting? We don't talk and he hasn't been his self around me, obviously there is a problem.

"Then what are we doing ?" 

I don't know why a part of me expects him to answer beacuse that is the wrong expectation.

When it comes to Jinyoung, speaking is not an option and nothing is guaranteed, so all I get from him is a deep, dismissive sigh.

"We're not doing this right now"

"Well if we're not doing this this now, when will we ? when will we _ever ?_  "

He doesn't answer me and I'm sure he was not going to anyway because as soon as both Yura and Sunghoon get back to the table, Jinyoung stands saying he has a meeting in an hour and that he has to leave and just like that he leaves...without a word to me...not like we were dealing with a problem, or I was dealing with a problem beacuse Jinyoung barely said two words.   
  


_I never learn do I ?_   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	13. Chapter 13

**Jisoo's pov:**   
**==========**

"Okay...What about this one?"

I nod my head slightly, _trying_ to pay attention to anything around me. Something that seems like a hard task to do these past days...Or is it a month ? I actually don't even know how long my state has been a pure depressive widow mode for.

I can't even stand myself so I don't expect anyone to.

"Honestly you are not helping at all ! You agreed on all the ones I tried till now ! I can't wear all of the dresses, can I ?!" She bursts, dropping on the sofa I am sitting on in her room.

"All of them were pretty and suited you really well..." I tell her, feeling bad after I have been of no assistance to my best friend in this important event of hers which she has been working so long for.

"I'm flopping at everything! " She whines and it makes me move closer to her and wrap my arms around her shoulders.

"Everything is going to be fine. Actually more than fine. I can see this launching party is going to blow people's minds "

"You really think ?" She asks with a mixture of hopeful and anxious look on her face. I nod surely, reassuring her which makes her smile gratefully giving me a quick hug before she stands up again and continues to look over the plenty of dress choices on her bed.

The party.

Even if it seems so wrong of me if I say I have gone over a million excuse to bail on it and not a single one was strong enough to make sense. I will still say it.

I have been thinking of every damned excuse so I wouldn't have to attend it and none of them has worked.

Yura refused to hear all of them.

So here I am. Stressing out and cursing my bad luck that made such a mess of my life. Cursing myself as well because I'm so stupid that I had gone along with such wrong believes that pushed me into committing  the biggest mistake in my life after the one I had done when I allowed myself to even fall in love with a person like that to start with.

Jinyoung is way out of my league and has always been...

I already knew that all along. 

But now, there is nothing I'm more sure of in my life.

Too late to be thinking this and regretting the choices I made, I know that . But I found it makes me feel a little better to put the blame on someone . Even if it were my own self . Yura doesn't know about it but I also let myself blame her a little...

Being right or wrong about it doesn't matter to me, I look at it as a default in my personality and I had accepted it over the years.

"Earth to you Jisoo ! Were did you space out?" Yura waves her hand in my face snapping me out of my deep thoughts. 

I collect myself and let my eyes run along her long pink dress.

"I give this one a 10 on 10 Yura. It looks amazing on you" I say and really mean it . She looks like a godess.

She twirls, giggling like a teenage girl who just found her prom dress.

"I knew you would love it "

I take the time to admire her beautiful figure and lively personality. She is the most positive and optimistic person I have ever came across with. It makes me wonder how but also a little jealous because I tend to fake my hapinnes most of the time. I'm not always feeling down and crappy, I must admit.   
But these past few years have drained me to the point where I can't even distinguish my smile the real from the pretended one.

It's really pathetic.

"Okay now It's your turn to choose a dress !" She excitedly takes my hands and pulls me up to my feet towards her huge waredrobe.

I shake my head and sit back down" I already got one yestearday" I tell her. 

Since I knew all too well that there was no way I was going to easily miss the event. I had gotten out purposly to find a proper dress and lucky enough I found just the one I was looking for; pretty and not so expansive.

"Oh, you did?"

"Yeah. I got my paycheck this week from the coffee shop so I went to look for something and got myself a knee length black dress and matching heels, I am sure you will be found of..." 

"Why?" She asks and my eyebrows frown.

"You need that money" She continues " Instead on spending it on a dress I could have gotten you, you should have saved that amount..." Her words are soon cut off by my slightly irritated ones. 

"Well good thing that's my problem to worry about right ?" Yura instantly pulls her face in an offended expression and pulls her hands off of mine.

"Here we go again ! Jisoo and her insecurities." 

"What ? I'm just tired of you guys worrying about my financial issues." 

She grunts, rolls her eyes and turns back to the mirror checking herself one last time.

"You know what ? Do whatever you want, because God knows, I'm over you and Jinyoung at this point. You are both being absolutely  impossible." Instinctively I get curious.

"What do you mean ?" I can't help but ask her. She scoffs while getting out of her dress.

"For starters, Jinyoung has been very hard to reach, he doesn't return any of our phone calls nor does he agree to hang out with us, he's being an ass to everyone, as for you, well...You're being...let's just say I've had my last straw with you."  

"So you haven't seen Jinyoung these days? You guys didn't have lunch together or went to a party this past week or..." She smirks which makes me stop mid-sentence instantly.

"Is this your way of trying to ask about him and possibly get any news ? " I glare at her and she laughs lightly.

"No Jisoo, I haven't seen him in a while. But don't worry, he's probably doing well, that's Jinyoung we're talking about" She speaks in a sure voice while she is still busy going through her closet.

"Who said I was worried...It's only out of curiosity" 

"Right...You could just call him if you're so _curious ,_ ask him why he's avoiding everyone including you know...his _girlfriend_ " 

My ears perk up like a cat's and seeing my reaction Yura smiles and nods her head.

"Yeah, the poor girl called both me and Sunghoon to ask us if we've _seen_  Jinyoung and whether or not he is sick _blah... blah._ So much for being in a relatioship with her right?" 

"Oh..." Is all I say. 

I didn't know that single night would lead to all of this. Ignoring me is understandable  but why everyone else? His _girlfriend_ ? Why must he make me feel even worse than what I am already feeling? Is he doing this on purpose? Or do I just think too highly of myself that I could have such an effect on him? Like I am not feeling guilty enough that I had told him I loved him and basically am the reason us three are not hanging together anymore. He must make me feel even more guilty and regretful when he decides to break all contact with everyone...

"He is acting like a girl if you ask me, to be honest" Yura shrugs her shoulders.

So Jinyoung might possibly not even come to the party tomorrow ? If he doesn't even speak to Yura or Sunghoon or Hera. I don't think he will show up to a place where he knows I will be present. 

This somehow makes me feel a bit relieved but still a tingle of guilt and sadness reaches my eyes that Yura sits besides me and hits her shoulder slightly with mine.

"Hey. Don't be like that. You need to forget about everything Jisoo, there is no use of regretting what already happened, don't you often tell us that? You are going to see that despit what is going on right now, things will eventually run the usual way. Maybe not now but everything has an end" 

Her words even when she speaks them by kindness and with warmth. Don't make me feel easy at all. Not the slightest. 

I don't want to tell her , Yes everything has an end Yura but in this case I am afraid, things are ending in a wrong way. I have destroyed me and Jinyoung's any kind of connection.   
  
  
  
  
  


The next day comes in a lightening strike. 

I'm standing in front of the mirror, fixing my hair and make up. My black dress already on and my heels as well.

I curl my hair and put the proper amount of make up for the event; light eyeshadow and red lipstick. 

I pick my black clutch and coat after I have finished with my acceptable appearance and I am out the door. 

The car Yura sent to pick me up is already waiting and as soon as I get inside of it, I have to prevent myself from biting my nails out of nervousness.

I have no reason to be this nervous. This is not my event.

I am worried for my best friend but I keep having a bad feeling everytime I have to go somewhere. Guess why ? 

_You already know._

"Jisoo ! Thank God you're here ! I was just about to call you ! This is way too much for me! I can't handle all of this ! People I haven't even thought would show up, are actually here ! Like...Really important people ! And I don't think I'm ready for this ! I mean...Be completely honest with me, how does the place look ? D-" 

I have to cut her off as she is speaking and her breath can't even catch up with her. I put my hands on her shoulders and tell her gentely to breath in and out.

"Hey. You are one handred percent ready for this. Stop doubting yourself. The place looks amazing, you did a wonderful job, whatever happens remember that. You got this." I look her in the eyes and she starts to calm down breathing deeply.

"I got this." She keeps repeating and nods her head along.

She then is called by one of her team members and goes to greet some VIP, leaving me standing in the middle of the grand room filled with faces I have never seen before. All females with growns and males with suites.

I really do love what Yura did with the place. This section of the room is decorated all with crystals and glassy decorations. As for the section of the runway and the seats, It's a couple of meters away, also beautifully designed and arranged. I'm so proud of her.

I look around trying to find a familiar face and I smile thankful  when I spot Sunghoon across the room speaking to someone. As I approach him, my smile instantly vanishes as if it hasn't been there at all. I begin taking small steps back, hoping to go back the way I came and just when I'm about to make a turn for it, I hear my name being called. 

I close my eyes and curse under my breath. 

"I was starting to think you died but here you are today. Flesh and blones, Jinyoung and Jisoo finally decided to show us their beautiful faces and stop being assholes to us. Good lord." 

I re-open my eyes and take a deep breath before turning back towards him...them, again. 

Sunghoon stands smirking and besides him stands Jinyoung. 

In a black suit and a white dress shirt. Classic but heartthrobing enough to cause my cheeks to heat up and my breath to catch in the middle of my calming attempts. 

With much effort, I give a huge evident fake smile to Sunghoon and do my best to avoid the other guy. 

"Ha-ha. Very funny Sunghoon, just what I wanted to hear after I haven't seen you for so long." I walk slowly towards the men and stand beside Sunghoon, he laughs and throws his arms around my shoulders enveloping me in a big hug. 

"I missed you, you jerk" He says into my hair which makes me smile genuinely and react by hugging him back but not as tight.

"Okay...You're going to break my back if you don't release me now." I say still with a huge grin but he keeps hugging me which makes me release a light giggle. 

My eyes then meet Jinyoung's in front of me. With a mysterious expression on his handsome features, he stands silent, watching us and when we make eyes contact, I can't even read his face, his eyes look tired indeed, although shinning as usual but not as warm. 

Something must be up with him.

Jinyoung is never the type of person to change all this much because of anything.

He looks tired and drained. Like he hasn't slept for a while and all it does is make my heart ache and make me feel so worried that I push Sunghoon back and clear my throat still looking at Jinyoung. I try to choose the words to say next and just as I do so, Jinyoung averts his gaze elsewhere and says only lowly.

"Long time no see Jisoo. How are you doing?" His voice sounding rough but smooth. an impossible combination but Jinyoung sounds both exhausted and calm. 

A flower filled with thornes. 

I have never realized how this description suits him untill the past events took place. 

Jinyoung, to me, was and still is a beautiful flower. His thornes cut threw my heart out to my skin but the feelings I so strongly carry for him, never died down. No water is enough to put off the fire. 

"Good. How about you?" I sound unfamiliar even to myself as I reply as lowly as he has spoken to me.

"I'm doing well, thank you" He says shortly, avoiding all contact with me and that makes me throw my plan to speak further with him, out of the window. 

I'm scared to even speak to him. Jinyoung is being somehow short and formal with me and he doesn't do that unless he wants you to get the message. 

_I wouldn't speak with me if I were you._

And I get the message because I close my mouth, and drop my gaze sadly. Sunghoon shakes his head and mutters under his breath "Still an asshole" 

I spend the next hour talking to Sunghoon on different subjects. We try to catch up, meanwhile Jinyoung acts as if he is standing alone and ignores mine and his best friend's existence completely.

Sunghoon now and then, tries to draw his attention and tries to include him in our conversation but that is of no use. Jinyoung says a couple of dead words then goes back to being silent and draws a snobbish look on his face. 

Irritated, Sunghoon just gives up and goes to get a drink before the show starts.

"Want one?" He asks to which I shake my head. 

I'm left alone with Jinyoung and I don't realize how his behaviour  drove me to anger untill my mouth opens and words I haven't planned, come out.

"Alright. What is wrong with you?" I sound as irritated as I feel. 

Jinyoung snaps his head in my direction and frowns.

"Excuse me?" 

"I understand you don't want to talk to me because I was stupid enough when I-" I cut myself and take a deep breath opening my mouth again.

"You don't have to be such an ass to everyone, you didn't have to come today. You knew I was going to be here. If you hate seeing my face so much then you could have-"

"What the fuck are you talking about?" He cuts me off and my brows frown.

"You're acting like a jackass all night and I know you haven't been speaking to our friends these days and if you're doing this because of what I told you-" 

His chuckle stops me and I look at him waiting for his next words.

"You really think you're the reason I am acting like this ? You think that stupid day and the foolish things you said, had this much effect on me ? Really Jisoo? I thought you were smarter than this. Or did I ?" He speaks with harshness and his words carry so much weight that they crush my heart and prevent me from breathing.

"Then why are you avoiding everyone? Why..." I ask further knowing I should stop already and just slap him and leave.

"That's none of your buisness. What are you still doing here standing anyway?" 

"I just want to know what is wrong with you? try to help you"

 It's true. 

I really do want to know what is causing him such attitude. Because this is not Jinyoung. 

This not not Jinyoung. Is it?

He laughs. A beautiful but suspicious smile that it sends shivers down my spine.

 "You came here to support your friend but instead here you are! Left your friend on this important event to _try and help me_? You're really pathatic. Don't you understand? I don't want you to help me, I don't need your help, why don't you get the message?" 

He finishes and I have to bite my lips in order to hold my tears from falling. 

I keep my eyes on his hard ones and think of what to say next that would make me gain a bit of the dignity that I had left. But it's been completly stept on by the person in front of me. 

"Don't worry. Your message is well received" I say instead and just when I'm about to leave him he stops me.

"That's it? that's all you're going to say?" 

"You don't deserve anything more from me. You don't deserve my help nor anymore of my time. rot in hell Park Jinyoung."  

My tears run down my face just when I walk past him and leave him behind me. He doesn't call my name like in the movies. 

Jinyoung is not that type of guys. When he says something he means it. 


	14. Chapter 14

**Jisoo's pov:**

**=========**   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


I don't look behind me as I walk as far away from him as possible. I would hate it if he sees me this way.   
  


"God Yura...Where are you?" I mutter as my eyes roam the room trying to find her among the many people, some talking, laughing, and others just standing with glasses of champagne acting rich and important.   
  


I breathe out a sigh of relief when I catch Yura speaking to one of her workers, by the looks of it, she is instructing him to do something and she looks busy that I think I should just let her do her work and not bother her, though she calls to me as soon as she spots me and her eyes fill with worry.

"Jisoo...I hate to tell you this but Jinyoung is here...but by the looks of it, you already know that?" She scans my face and probably notices my red eyes. 

"Yeah...I have had the honor of encountering Prince Jinyoung and his wonderful spirit tonight" I try using some sarcasm in order to hide the horrible feeling cutting through my voice and the awful need to sit in a room and cry my eyes out. 

It's becoming a habit.

"Are you alright?" She asks with a hand on my arm and I nod my head. 

"The show is about to start, I got a seat for you at the front, you go first and I will follow you shortly, okay?" 

"Okay" I nod again and do just as she told me. I find my seat with my name on it and sit down. The chairs are almost all occupied by now, with only a few of them still empty. Sunghoon sits across from me, in the other side, he waves at me and I wave back. Taking a deep breath, I straighten up my posture and run a quick hand over my hair. Yura takes a seat next to me, looking as nervous and anxious as never before. 

I give her hand a light squeeze, smiling at her, she tries to smile back but fails. It really hurts me to see her so troubeled. 

The lights turn off signaling that the show is starting. Music starts playing and all the small talks around us die down. Complete silence washes over and everyone focuses on the model who walks in with the first piece from the collection. However Yura's eyes focus on the audiance's reactions instead of on her own show. I can't blame her. She can't afford to have her big efforts and energy of months of work, all cruched in a night. 

I can't hide the pride and the impressive expression on my face. Neither does all the people around us. Her work is absolutly breathtaking. Every piece is beautifully made. 

As the show is still going on, I can feel eyes on me the whole time. It is hard to give my attention fully on the display in front of me. I let my eyes wonder to the direction of where I feel someone staring at me, Just across, sitting with crossed legs, Jinyoung devotes all this time to fixing me with his intense gaze. With a blank face of course, he doesn't take them off even when I catch him. He keeps looking at me and my brows frown. I keep my eyes on his too, untill It is hard for me to take them off. I can't have a whole glimpse of him because of the dimmed light, only small gleam hits his face and clears only his eyes and a few parts of his features to me. Not failling to show how handsome he is. 

With all my force, I look away. I have to. A few seconds later, I find myself looking back at him again. Why is he staring at me like this? What is on his mind? Does he feel guilty for the way he treated me? Or does he like to play with my head so much? His gaze is so heavy that I shift uncomfortably on my seat  and my heart pounds harder than normal from the heavy feeling of being watched for so long. By Jinyoung out of all people...

I jump slightly when everyone around me start clapping, the show must have ended while I was in a staring match with Jinyoung. I avert my eyes to the stage where Yura walks and stands bowing and thanking everyone. I didn't even notice her leaving her seat...She must have left sometime during the show to go backstage...I join them and clap my hands smilling so widely, Yura this time smiles back as widely with tears in her eyes. 

People now are already standing and walking to the grand room again, where as organized, Yura has prepared a buffet and more drinks. That's why I hate going to parties or any events...Everything these persons do is drink and eat then drink more. 

Meanwhile I intend on finding Yura to give her a big hug and congratulate her, so I stand up and look around, but it is impossible to see or find anyone in this crowded place. 

I give up and when I turn around Sunghoon is pushing me towards the buffet room. He gives me a plate and starts immediately speaking about something I am not sure I catch anything from. Thankful though because I hate to have to stand alone when it is impossible to get a hold on Yura and that is understandable since this is her event, she still needs to take care of some things. 

We find a spot where we stand with our food filled plates, both me and Sunghoon talk and laugh while eating, for a small moment I really start thinking this night is not so bad afterall. The thought doesn't last though because we are joined by Jinyoung which causes me to stop speaking and eating all together. 

Him with a drink in one of his hands and the other one in his pocket. He fixes his emotions filled eyes on me once again...This is the first time in a while that I detect something other than emptiness in his orbs. It surprises me that I don't hold myself from exchanging the contact with him for the millionth time tonight. 

Should I say something? Tell him why is and has been looking at me a certain way this whole time? He wouldn't answer anyway and even if he does, he would only end up saying something which would lead me to cry again. Crying is all I am able to do when it comes to Jinyoung. I'm powerless and a sensetive wreck whenever Jinyoung is involved. 

"I will be out of the country this week guys, So maybe we should leave Monday's lunch plan till I come back?" Sunghoon's words cause me to snap my head towards him with a puzzled face.

"Lunch plan? We had one?" I ask seriously.

Sunghoon nods "Yeah, I was just telling you guys about it now, Yura planned it as an intimate celebration for her successful show...You know just between friends" 

I stay silent, I don't want to say that I didn't give any attention to what he was saying since Jinyoung came to stand with us. 

"That will be for the important contract you told me about the other day right?" Jinyoung asks him and this is the normalist way I hear him speak in a while that I can't help but move my eyes from the ground to him. 

I miss speaking to him. I miss when I used to be able to talk to him and he would talk to me back...and not in a sentence that doesn't contain a word he intends on hurting me with.

I miss him and the warm way he used to look at me, Him offering me a drive home and even when he tries his hardest to get me angry with his stupid jokes...

"That's right yeah, I really need to get the guy to sign it this time. It's really a huge deal for my project" 

"Good luck man, I heard the dude is a real pain and is hard to convince but I'm not so worried about you, show him what's under your sleevs" Sunghoon grins gratefully to his best friend and thanks him. 

I smile lightly at the both of them which Jinyoung catches and causes me to wipe the smile right off my face. 

"Guys you will have to excuse me for a second, That's my coworker's mother, I need to greet her" He leaves as soon as he says that and it takes it all from me not to whine and follow him like a lost puppy. I don't want to be left alone with him anymore! Is that too much to ask?

I don't have to stay if I don't want to, right? Why must I sit here and risk anymore heartache? I can just carry myself somewhere else. 

"Excuse me" I say without so much as a glance in his direction, leaving the plate still full on the tall table, I go to walk away but his words stop me dead in my track.

"You were the one who wanted to talk and now you're running away?" He titls his head to the side with a smug and all I want is to slap it off. Or punch it off, it sounds better.

"We're alone now, It's the perfect time to _"talk"_ , don't you think?" 

"We've had many opportunities to talk Jinyoung but you had this stick so far up your ass, that you refused. Don't you think?" I speak with harshness and Jinyoung laughs.

"Such big words for someone as small as you...You keep surprising me Jisoo, You really do" 

I squint my eyes and my blood starts boilling because all this mood swings of his are giving me a headache "What does that suppose to mean? You know what? I don't even care, don't tell me. I told you I was done wasting my time on you, you don't deserve it, so if you have some sympathy left in you, leave me alone. I have had enough tonight Jinyoung" 

"You confessed to me-" 

"Oh for God's sake-" 

I cut him off but he continues anyway "No. You confessed to me and...To this day I keep thinking about that night, I want to know, did you really mean it?-" 

"You think that was a joke? Do you have any idea how much it took me to gather the courage and tell you that? I can't believe you think I would tell you something like that just to joke, you know things like these are really hard for me to say-" The amount of hurt I feel is unbearable that it manifests into my voice and the words it carries. 

All this time he thought I was joking? My feelings that I was hiding for almost a decade are a pleasantry? 

"You know what? Yeah, it was all a prank, I wanted to see how you would react, so I thought why not embarass myself and tell Jinyoung that I love him for so many years, risk the probability of wrecking our friendship and putting my pride on the line, You know, for a laugh?" 

Like a crazy person, I start laughing, meanwhile Jinyoung just stares at me with some pain in his eyes? I must be imagining it because there is no way this cruel person in front of me, could carry any of that feeling. 

"I mean really? How stupid do you think I am? So stupid if you think I would do something like that. But who can blame you? I-" I don't realise I am being loud enough for the people standing near us to hear. A few of them shoot us weird looks, Jinyoung takes a few steps towards me and I take ones backward.

"Let's talk somewhere else, people are staring" He says under his breath, walking forward again, he lifts his hand and I avoid it when he tries to take a hold of my arm.

"I'm not going anywhere because I'm not speaking with you. We're done here" I say looking down to hide my teary eyes. I don't give him any chance when I walk as fast as I can manage towards the exist of the room. 

He calls my name from behind me this time. I keep walking ahead and run a hand under my eyes to wipe the tears off. Some stares are thrown at me but I ignore it all and do my best to make it out. The cold breeze hits my face and I breath out as I realise I am outside and into the street. I stop in my track though. 

How will I go home? 

I came in one of Yura's cars and the driver is no where in sight. Yura is impossible to find as well and Sunghoon will not be going home anytime soon. Not alone anyway, if you know what I mean. 

A taxi is hard to stop in this kind of street and buses don't pass here. 

_Mirror mirror on the wall who's the unlickiest of them all?_

"Jisoo!" I hear but I think I'm imagining untill I turn around and find Jinyoung running behind me

I turn back looking forward, deciding to just walk untill I reach somewhere where I can catch a taxi.

"Jisoo! Wait!" He yells and I finally stop.

When I turn back around, we're only a few feet away.

"What?! What Jinyoung?! What could you have anymore shit to throw at my face?!" I scream with a pounding heart.

"I-That's not what I have been thinking all this time...That all of that was a joke..." He seems at a lose of words. 

I take a step forward and come face to face with him "I don't care what you think Jinyoung ! Not anymore!" 

The reason I'm so angry is simply that all this time I was dying inside with those heavy feelings I have for him and next because when I finally was bold enough to say it all, I got rejected...But Jinyoung had this idea of it being all a joke. Or maybe the reason of my anger is beyond that, it's pain and hurt that turned into this burning feeling that is making me act this way.

"I'm sorry okay..." He says in a quiet voice.

"You're sorry? About what exactly Jinyoung? About the rejection or the things you said to me after it? Oh don't worry about it, it was all a joke remember?" 

"Stop. I'm sorry for the way I acted towards you all this time and I was only trying to fool myself into thinking it was a joke-" 

"Go to hell Jinyoung." I don't even let him finish, I start walking again leaving him standing behind.

He tries to stop me again this time grabbing my arm, my anger is so strong that I bruch it off smacking him across the face. For the first time ever. I almost apologize but on a second thought, he deserves it after what he caused me these past days especially.

"What the hell is wrong with you? All of this is your fault and you're acting this angry? I don't understand-" He shouts with flaring eyes rubbing his already red cheek. 

"You're not seriously trying to blame me? You have been nothing but horrible to me! and that's before I even told you how I really felt about you! at your new club's party remember how you humilated me? In front of your girlfriend? And after I told you I loved you, you acted like the biggest asshole I have ever known! you kept ignoring me when I tried talking to you and tonight when I was actually conserned about you, you said the meanest things to me! What are you getting out of all of this? Oh besides making me even more depressed and make me regret I confessed to you from the beginning!" I scream.

"You really think I enjoy hurting you?" 

"That's not what I think, that's what I know, But guess what? I'm done! I'm done Jinyoung! I don't want to even see you again!" I say meaning it.

"You're overreacting" He states and it makes me want to slap him again.

Instead, I only take a long breath closing my eyes, because there is no use in speaking and screaming. I already embarassed myself enough. I turn around and begin walking once again.

"Where are you going?" 

"Back home" I reply without looking back as I know he is folowing close behind.

"How? Do you plan on going on foot?" 

"I will walk untill I can catch a taxi, not that that's any of your buisness" I say walking even faster.

"Don't be stupid. Wait here, I'll go get the car and drive you home" He can't be serious.

"Are you that crazy or do you like to play with my head so much? Do you really expect me to agree and be in the same car with you?" I spit.

"Fine. Let me call Sunghoon so he could drive you" He offers.

"No. Leave me alone Jinyoung." 

"Jisoo come on! Stop being difficult" 

I ignore him and when I see the first taxi, I immediately  stop it. I get inside and when I look out Jinyoung is standing with his hands on both sides. Looking lost and sad. 

"Can we go now please?" I say with a heavy heart to the driver after I give him the adress.

I have to leave now before I step out and run back to Jinyoung. I can't keep doing that.

As soon as the car drives off, I put my hands over my face and cry. 

I told you crying became a habit.    
  
  
  
  
  


********  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	15. Chapter 15

Yura's pov:

=========

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"The number you are calling can not be reached " 

I angrily press the end botton and grown for the hundredth time since the past hour. 

"She's still not picking up...I will kill you...I will literally kill you if something wrong is going on with her" I glare at Jinyoung threatening him seriously.

Here I am. After having been dragged left and right by people who wanted to congratulate me all evening. I asked for Jisoo and a certain asshole told me she just went home. For an hour now I have been calling her and nothing...I know something must have happened. She wouldn't just leave my party without a word or a sensible reason. And that reason today is, without any doubt; Jinyoung. 

He hasn't directly told me but by the looks of it, he doesn't need to. I can smell the fish...

Jisoo doesn't deserve all of this...I'm not only speaking about the past events. All those years with hidden feelings. The only thing she was able to do, was to sit and watch, While Jinyoung switched from girl to girl. She was just watching. Like a person among an audience. What surprised me and still does to this day, is the fact that her feelings for him are so strong...Nothing he ever did or does, could make her let go of them. Nothing can make Jisoo hate Jinyoung...that scares me. And it terrifies her.

From the first moment those two met. I knew... or sensed that they were not meant to be just friends. Perhaps it was the picture of them standing next to each other that gave me that idea...Maybe Jisoo was right and I really had pushed her into wrong beliefs...Maybe I'm a major cause of this terrible misunderstanding.

"Relax, she could be home sleeping and if not she could be in some coffee shop having some coffee. Stop being dramatic." He sits calm as if he didn't do anything and rolls his eyes boringly.

I only hope he is pretending to be this careless towards her... 

"You know Jinyoung, this is all your fault! She took a taxi alone! this late at night! Anything can happen to her! the least you can do is act a little bit concerned about her. I don't understand why you're acting so heartless lately?" I explode and surprise takes over his face from the loudness. My brother meanwhile stands beside me and touches my shoulder as a calming gesture.

"Look, It's Jisoo, she's calling" Sunghoon points to my phone in my hands as it started ringing and I didn't notice it.

With nervous hands, I answer.

"Jisoo!" I scream into the speaker and wait for her to speak so I could make sure she is alright.

"Yura. Hi. I'm sor-" 

"Where are you? Are you alright? Are you home?" I cut her off and ask her impatiently.

"Jesus...Yes I'm alright...I just got home, my phone died on the way and I could only see your calls when I got here..." Her voice is quiet and she sounds tired and like she has spent the whole way home crying. I'm sure she did.

"Are you alright? Do you want me to come over?" I ask softly and move out of the room since I have every eye on me in this one. 

Jisoo takes a few seconds to answer.

"No. That's fine. I'm okay. We'll see each other tomorrow. " 

"Are you sure? Jisoo, I can drive to your place right now- I'm coming now-" I take my car keys and intend on going to my car but her voice stops me.

"No. Yura. Please, I want to stay alone for tonight. With all that crowded party and all...I have a headache and I'm just going to sleep it off. Thank you" 

I sigh and tell her that's alright. We say goodbye to each other and hung up right after.

I'm a horrible best friend...I should just drive to her place regardless of her refusing. But then she said she wanted to stay alone and sleep...Maybe my presence would only make her feel worse than she must be feeling. 

I want to know what went down tonight so terribly but I must wait until tomorrow. 

 

 

 

 

Jisoo's pov:

==========

 

 

Laying in my bed is the only thing I want to do for the rest of my days now...I dreed the thought of getting up and doing anything or going anywhere. 

If I had the feeling that my life turned into a living nightmare before...this feels much more worse and I have no idea why. Nothing has changed...except that I had slapped Jinyoung last night and if I had any doubt that he hates me, now I can be sure of it because NO ONE lifted a hand on him before EVER ! not even his own parents. 

I can be proud of myself though. I didn't let my love for him get in the way and I didn't crowl back to him when I looked out of the taxi window to his desperate face. Even if I was dying to. I even kept thinking on telling the driver to take me back there...run to him and apologize having done nothing wrong, I know. How stupid of me to even think about doing such a wimp thing.

But I know that these are the thoughts my dumb feelings are leading me to. Too strong that I have the feeling I am going to keep going back right where I was last night. The same situation, embarrassment and position. 

The girl that loves the guy too much that she crowls back to him even after he pushes her to the ground and steps on her right after. Every damn time. 

I can not let that happen and I don't know how. 

I can not let Jinyoung hurt me like that again...

A laugh escapes my lips. Who am I kidding? These are the exact same words I kept saying for the past years. Yet look where I am today. 

Jinyoung was ruining me the entire time without me realizing. Without realizing it himself. And how I hate myself for allowing him to do so. 

All these years I pretended to be strong. As if Jinyoung being with several girls never affected me. All of it was a lie I was feeding myself and Yura as well. I was telling myself and her that there is going to be a day when Jinyoung will stop going out with so many women...in fact he did. Being so busy kept him away from any relationship. It was enough for me as long as I was not going through that torture of having to see him with someone or knowing he belonged to someone else. I was happy with that. It was enough for me even if throughout those times he didn't really seem to show a special interest in me as I was hoping he would at a certain point. Even then. I believed he would eventually feel something for me even as much as a little bit. it would still be enough for me. I then waited and waited. I kept waiting for him. Now I can say that it will never happen. I don't have to wait anymore...In reality I shouldn't have waited from the beginning. 

That day. When he invited his girlfriend to the barbeque party. That was the day that I knew that his break was over. Jinyoung will go back to dating women again...And I will never be one of them. The dream I was having ended. He never had any sort of feeling for me and he will not. 

So I exploded. Well...you know the rest of it. 

Now I need to find a way to make my head get the message. I need to get away from Jinyoung as soon as possible if I want to still be sane for the remaining of my life. 

Maybe it is really time for me to change everything in my life and leave all this behind? 

Who knows...Maybe this could work ? 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wassuuuuuup ?? How are you all beauties doing ?? Sorry for being such a lazy ***** haha. I was really busy with my exams. 

I know this is not really what I promised you. It is not really that good nor is it long. But stillllll I wanted to give you guys what I had planned for the remaining of the story !! 

Hope you liked it and sooorrryyy again !! 

Ohhhh are you watching Jinyoung's drama lately?? If yes what do you think of it ?? 

I find it greaaaat and I am in love with it tbh !! 

Love you all and big kisses and huge thanks !!


End file.
